My only worry is that I'm massively overqualified for this job. The management at Clark's Trading Post may suspect that I'll expect to be promoted into wolfman management or try to get a better paying wolfman position with another firm. So I'll abstain from applying for the job at this theme park in rural New Hampshire.

Are you a crazy old coot who likes to chase trains and avoid shaving? "If acting crazy and getting paid for it sounds good," then this job opening is the right pick for you. I mean, you might as well start getting paid for it for a change. UPI reports on what the position traditionally entails:

According to the Wolfman's lore, he chases trains to protect his "Unobtanium mine" and fears heights and water, which prevents him from bathing.

His role was created to add excitement to the train ride and entertain children, who are instructed to yell "SCRAM YOU OLD GOAT!" as he pursues the train.

Open auditions will be held for the position on April 9, and park owner Anne Clark Englert told the Boston Globe that anyone with the proper facial hair and a talent for acting would be considered for the role.

"We are looking for someone that has a bit of a theatrical background, or even if they haven't done acting before that they can be theatrical," she said. "It's important that they can stay in character."

-via Ace of Spades HQ

(Photo: David Ngo)

Leia Poppins: practically perfect in every way.

The conventional wisdom is that Mary Poppins is a Time Lord. But that's the wrong universe. She's actually a Jedi who is extremely strong with the Force.

Here she is with Bert Solo, the lovable rogue who once cleaned every chimney along the Kessel Run in 12 hours. Cosplay photographer David Ngo photographed them at WonderCon in Los Angeles.

Fried chicken and freshly baked waffles--that's the right way to start the day! Then you can go burn off those calories on the basketball court. Nike has got your covered. It has produced a special issue of its Dunk High line of shoes that is textured and colored inside and out to resemble the world's favorite meal. You can see more photos at Sneaker News.

Nike plans to release these shoes in early April. And you know what the first day of April is.

-via That's Nerdalicious!

Going on a first date means worrying about making a good impression and hoping everything goes smoothly, but more often than not something crappy happens during the date that makes things awkward.

That's why they say you shouldn't get drunk or otherwise before you go out on a date, but a young lady named Maleka, who goes by @_blotty on Twitter, would like to add coffee to the list of pre-date don'ts.

She had a crappy experience on a date because she had to poop...and the toilet wouldn't flush.

I am a confident, calm and self assured woman...so I felt comfortable popping in his bathroom. This was a mistake. His toilet did not flush

— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016

Maleka told her first date horror story on Twitter with a couple dozen Tweets she probably didn't expect very many people to read.

But when a story starts with "I have a story to tell. It is about my poop" and then proceeds to hook you in with a really bad decision involving poop in a purse you feel inclined to read on...

Read A Woman Tweeted About Pooping On First Date And It Got Pretty Uncomfortable here

It's not your toddler's fault that he had an accident. The potty is safe only when you're there. Otherwise, the potty monster visits. If he goes there instead of in his pants, it will snatch him and pull him in.

This isn't a real horror movie . . . yet. But it could be one. Andy Herald of How to Be a Dad has 6 great pitches to offer producers. They're terrify any toddler at bedtime, which is, of course, precisely what every parent of a toddler wants to do.

(Photo: You Lie in April t-shirt on sale at the NeatoShop)

It's the end of the world as we know it, which is why I watch anime instead of the news. I've watched a lot in the past few months. So, as usual, I will tell you some of the best and ask you, dear readers, to recommend other titles.

Erased (Boku Dake ga Inai Machi) is the greatest anime I have ever seen. I recommend it for not only anime fans, but also to non-anime fans.

Anime is like beer. You either like it or can't understand why anyone would consume it. Erased, however, is an anime perfect even for people who don't like anime.

It's a thriller and murder mystery. The main character is Satoru Fujinima, a 29-year old failed manga artist. He finds himself thrown back in time to when he was 10 years old. Back then, his peaceful childhood was upended by a serial killer who murdered several young girls in his town, including some in his own class.

Satoru realizes that he has a chance to find the killer and stop him. In the body of his 10-year old self, he sets out to do precisely that.

Erased is an original story with an unpredictable plot and vivid characterization. The suspense in every episode demands eager anticipation of the next episode. It is brilliantly written and directed.

(Video Link)

When he's awake, he's a normal dog. When he's asleep, he becomes a voice over artist. This Labrador sounds just like a stereotypical cartoon character snoring.

He's so loud that I'm surprised that he doesn't wake himself up!

-via Tastefully Offensive

Many people have wondered what human flesh tastes like, but cannibalism is a totally taboo topic unless you approach it scientifically, a method of inquiry that may require a bit of self sacrifice.

Brit Lab's Greg Foot learned that lesson the hard way, as he submitted to having a piece of muscle extracted from his leg in his quest to find out what human flesh tastes like.

Greg doesn't eat his own flesh so don't worry, but in order to figure out what combination of meats would approximate the taste of human flesh he had to cook his leg meat to get the aroma right.

(Warning: video is not for the squeamish)

(YouTube Link)

-Via BuzzFeed

(Photo: Piers Allardyce)

Tracey Emin (content warning: nudity) is an artist. You've probably heard of her. Emin's art is so notable that she once won the Turnip Prize. Perhaps you've seen her unmade bed on exhibit at the Tate. So you can expect unique takes on creative expression from Emin.

But enough about her work. Let us congratulate Emin on her recent nuptials. The lucky groom is a rock that resides in her home garden. The Guardian reports:

As her latest exhibition I Cried Because I Love You opens in Hong Kong, the woman whose life is her art has revealed that last summer she married a venerable stone that stands in her garden in France. “Somewhere on a hill facing the sea, there is a very beautiful ancient stone, and it’s not going anywhere,” she has said. “It will be there, waiting for me.” In another interview she has called it “‘an anchor, something I can identify with”. She wore her father’s funeral shroud as a wedding dress. As Lou Reed says: “And no kinds of love / are better than others.”

How did they meet? Fionnuala McHugh of Post Magazine interviewed Emin. She asked about the origin of this fairytale romance. Their meeting was sheer serendipity:

"It was totally by accident, the whole thing wasn't intentional," she begins. But I'm a bit confused. Is she talking about the day she's telling Freedman? Or the day of her wedding to the stone? "Noooo," she cries in frustration (rightly so, I listened to the tape afterwards and sounded like a moron). "I was on my own."

There's a pause, and the distinct feeling that upon this rocky moment hangs the future of our encounter.

"The whole thing with the stone is - it's a big f***ing stone, right. It's in my garden, it's very nice and very impressive and I like it a lot. [Sigh.] The other thing about the stone is that it could be quite monstrous and scary. Instead I saw it as a protection thing as opposed to a fearful thing. The other thing with the stone is it's not going anywhere. Even if there's the biggest f***ing tsunami in the whole f***ing world, the stone will probably still stay there."

-via Ace of Spades HQ

Buzzing Life by AnishaCreations

Spring is in the air, and people are starting to feel alive again as the winter chill starts to thaw and melt into the bodies of water we'll be swimming in come summer.

As the temperatures rise our sweaters go into storage and out come the short sleeves, and if you're looking for some new tees to put a spring in your step and make you feel fresh again then check out these tees from the NeatoShop. 

Spring means new life, new green growth and a new season to explore the natural world

Protect The Forest by BazNet

It also means new jobs, new responsibilities, new births and lots of new responsibilities

Adulting Sucks by Oneskillwonder

At least we get a new season of our favorite shows, complete with new neighborhood badasses

Penny And Dime. by Hope2198

Well, that's nice. But should you really be pushing Hogwarts so hard? That's a lot of pressure on an infant. What if he wants to go to Ilvermorny or Texas A&M?

To their credit, Tiffany Nicole and her husband are at least doing their best to dream big dreams for their child. This is the fourth baby. They've long wanted a Harry Potter nursery and decided that this was the time. The result is a room that filled with quotations, images, and artifacts from Rowling's magical universe. You can see more photos at BuzzFeed.

Okay, fine: the missing spot is for Tasha Yar. Did you really have to ask right in front of them? Now you've upset them. I can't take you anywhere.

I'm having trouble tracking down the origin of these wooden peg dolls showing characters from the original series and The Next Generation. I suspect that they're from a now-closed Etsy shop because that's where the internet trail runs cold.

-via Tor

It's the nightmare story the identity protection companies would love to tell you in order to sell you on their services, but unlike most of their made up scenarios this one actually happened to a writer from Lifehacker.

His name is Eric Ravenscraft, and his identity was stolen by someone who was kind enough to file his taxes for him too, which is how he discovered the identity theft had taken place.

He received a letter from the IRS stating he'd filed his taxes twice, and all the strange emails and the fact that his Spotify account kept playing Enrique Iglesias suddenly made sense.

Eric told his tale of identity theft, and the ways he is now protecting himself against a repeat theft, so that others may learn from his mistakes and act before it's too late.

Enrique Iglesias as the soundtrack for identity theft, sounds legit to me!

Read A Stranger Stole My Identity And Filed My Taxes here

A duvet is a British term for a fluffy comforter. To encourage people to sleep more, the Jurys Inn Hotel Group in the UK made suits made from these soft pieces of bedding. In a way, it's like staying in bed all day. If you ever feel the need to nap, you don't have to search for a bed because you're already in one. Just lie down wherever you are, even if it's in the office or on the Underground.

You can see more photos at a video at Bored Panda.

-via Nag on the Lake

(Photo: unknown)

Somewhere in the world, for the modern urban cowboy, there is the basketball boot. You can be the master of the court and corral for a mere $200.

These are apparently Tony Lama brand boots. Sadly, they appear to have been discontinued. It was inevitable, though. All the great cowboys eventually ride off into the sunset.

-via Geekologie