— Ellen DeGeneres (@TheEllenShow) May 29, 2013

As always, you can get this on a t-shirt from the neatoshop!

I'll never forget the day my Dad actually got them to admit they were kidding with those prices.

— Slim Cutta Mike L. (@bizmichael) May 29, 2013

~Illustrated by: Colin Graham~

Where is the cooking show where the babies are hanging on your legs screaming about Popsicles while you're microwaving a vegetable?

— kelly (@kjmeow) December 11, 2012

~Illustrated by: Colin Graham~

After the break-up, Pong went on to become an extremely influential video game. Ping, sadly, just tests internet connections in obscurity.

— Dr. Twittenheimer (@DrTwittenheimer) April 6, 2011

~Illustrated by: Colin Graham~

Lady came to front door & asked if I'd donate to new pool they're building for kids. I told her to hang on & came back with a glass of water

— Sly (@slyoung5) June 10, 2011

~Illustrated by: Colin Graham~

I wonder if I smell like an old person yet.

— MOM! MOM! MOM! (@GetUrOwnCoffee) May 30, 2013

You can buy this, and most Twaggies images, as shirts and prints, right down this way.

Charlie Brown’s dad was a barber.

— Mental Floss (@mental_floss) June 16, 2013

~Illustrated by: Colin Graham~

A Smart car just honked at me. It was cute. I said bless you.

— travis (@travisauruss) March 5, 2013

~Illustrated by: Colin Graham~

My body looks like a kindergartner drew me.

— Chris Young (@CYComedy) December 18, 2012

~Illustrated by: Colin Graham~

As always, most Twaggies are available in the store as prints and t-shirts! Head on over and pick one up. Every penny that Twaggies makes goes right to our artists to help support the work they do.

I can name more Star Wars planets than U.S. presidents.

— Matt Wilkie (@WritingWilkie) May 23, 2013

I bet the sheep that make steel wool are awesome.

— Daniel Crayg (@10InchesPlus) December 30, 2012

~Illustrated by: Colin Graham~

You can buy this, and most Twaggies images, as shirts and prints, right down here.

This guy next to me says my cigarette smoke is bothering him. I'm like: Well, it's killing me and I'm not bitching about it.

— E=mc² (@samalmightysam) September 1, 2012

~Illustrated by: Colin Graham~

Check texts. Check Twitter. Check Facebook. Check Instagram. Check Vine. Check the road. Repeat.

— Patrick Ryan (@patrickmarkryan) May 10, 2013

~Illustrated by: Colin Graham~

I'm like a cartoon character, not because I'm cute or funny, but because I wear the same clothes every day.

— Peach Ring2 (@LilFlaOrange30) April 30, 2013

Pinterest assumes we all have unlimited supplies of pallet wood & mason jars. Where are these mysterious caches, people? WHERE?

— Jen Yates (@cakewrecks) May 14, 2013

~Illustrated by: Colin Graham~