amanderpanderer's Comments

An early 17th century fieldmice hammer for the antiquated sport of Foo-Foo.
After scooping up fieldmice during a set of Foo-Foo, atheletes would use this piece of specially designed equipment for bonking them on the head. This practice was outlawed by the Parliment of Great Britain just after its formation in 1707. Despite public outcry against this condemnation of this popular sport of Foo-Foo, the law was enacted. Several popular Foo-Fooers of the day, including famed John "Little Bunny" Reginald Petite-Lapin, III. organized a Foo-Foo liberation front. Although the Foo-Fooers for the Reinstatment of Foo-Foo Coalition (FFRFFC or FurFuc) received public accolades and an almost Robin Hoodian reputation from the commoners of the era, they were firmly chastized by the House of Lords and of Commoners, who penned the historic Writ of Anti-Foo. The dissention between Parliment and the common people sparked many protest songs, including the still popular "Little Bunny Foo-Foo" which has immortalized both the struggle and the role of John Petite-Lapin in particular.

"Paddle Faster," XXL
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As a professor, I have heard this A LOT! And I although I am often tempted to call "bullshit" in my head, and ask for documentation I don't do it very often on the off-chance that it's true. However, one student in a course a few years ago had THREE grandmothers die over the 15 week semester. I draw the line at that, I asked for proof, and she didn't give me ANY. Unsurprisingly somehow, the student later on tried to tantrum her way out of failing my class. Parents and department chairs got involved, but when they discovered that she had "killed" off her grandmother, and two more imaginary grandmothers...I got a written apology. I tell students this story now, in the hopes that I don't get any more. I always think killing off someone is bad karma.
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So much good stuff in the warehouse, how could I not survive?

--Water and food:
Use (discontinued) Take out Trash container, tape to roof to catch rain, cut hole in bottom, use Hacked USB Flash drive to funnel into Zombie Juice water bottle (the apocalypse needs levity)And, if I can survive 12 years of undergrad and grad on mostly Ramen, then I can survive the zombie apocalypse on it as well.

For energy drink Zombie Awake! BATTLE!

--Medical whatnot:
Hand sanitizers! Pirate Bandaids will inspire fear and dread.

--Zombie Deterrents:
Pickle Soap--zombies (fact!) do not like pickles. Using pickle soap/lipbalm/mints will disguise the yummy smell of our tasty brains. The Bear hat will convince zombies that I am not a tasty human, but an untasty a bear.(Buffalo hat, Wolf hat, Chicken Mask, Horse Head Mas, etc…samesies.)The Emergency Inflatable Brains could be used to draw them away from me and the warehouse if I launch them off the roof.

--Weapons: The EnForKer! Rubber bands from Rubber Band Shooter Blaster Supreme attached to bent Extendable Backscratcher to make a bow. BBQ Sword Cooking forks(or Arrow Bookends) banded to Women of Science Rulers as arrows. If close combat happens, I may die because the Crowbar Bottle Opener and the Bloody Evidence Chef’s Knife are both discontinued.But, maybe I can jam the Screwpop 4-in one into a zombie head? Or flail around wildly with the Hammer Bottle Opener? And, to fill those long lonely apocolyptic nights, I will spend hours trying to figure out how to turn the Titanium Collar stays into projectiles with the Rubber Band Shooter Blaster Supreme.

--Other important things: Multiple-shaped Towel Treats of All KINDS, because a towel is the most useful thing in the universe! Micro-Max and Utili-Key!

Chicken Head Mask, if I win, please...to deter zombies, and freak out the neighbors!
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I have a few ideas.
The following are inspired/straight up stolen from the Adam West Batman series:
1. Robin: "Holy molars! Am I ever glad I take good care of my teeth!"
Batman: "I see. Just don't let it become a fetish."

2. Batman: "Man-eating lilacs have no teeth, Robin. It's a process of ingestion through their tentacles."
Robin: "I see."
Batman: "Just don't let it become a fetish."

3. Dick: "Gosh, botany is tough. I'll never learn to recognize all these trees!"
Bruce: "Come come, Dick. Pine. Elm. Hickory, chestnut, maple. Part of our heritage is the lure of living things, the storybook of nature."
Dick: "That's true, Bruce. I'll learn to read that book of nature yet!"
Bruce: "I see. Just don't let it become a fetish."

4. Bruce: "Most Americans don't realize what we owe to the ancient Incas. Very few appreciate they gave us the white potato and many varieties of Indian corn."
Dick: "Now whenever I eat mashed potatos, I for one will think of the Incas."
Bruce: "I see. Just don't let it become a fetish."

(I love Batman. It may have become a fetish.)
Skull and Swords, L Black
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Sasquatch Mat*...bigger than a bear mat for bigger feet!
*Also useful for Wendigo, Yeti, Wild-men, Woolyboogers, Skunk Apes, Orang Pendek and Yowies.

Bloody Heart, Military Green, XL
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Back when the internet was a more clearly defined series of non-searchable tubes for conveying information, people were bombarded with information shooting out of the pneumatic delivery devices and into their offices, living rooms and school dorms. Being less savvy at identifying the sorts of information being sent to them, internet users often relied on external devices like this one to help them distinguish between the relevant and irrelevant materials being delivered. This is the 1953 InternetIdentificationIdentifyer, or III, in stunning bakelite brown. This device sat near the pnuematic exit and served to classify and catagorize the material presented.

The catagories are:
News, Entertainment, Sex, Wikipedia, and (of course) Neatorama.

Now we have RSS feeds, so I never miss a Neatorama posting. Ah, progress!

Thesaurus, XXL Grey
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Profile for amanderpanderer

  • Member Since 2012/08/04


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