If I soil my swim trunks, would that repel a shark? 'Cause that's what I'd do in this situation.

But seriously, could I take a baton down with me? I heard that a light punch in the face could turn it away, because they're not used to resistance. True, false, or frowned upon?

Instead of trying to put together a huge collection of rocks, I'd do something like this. It's a theme that would limit my compulsion. Cool!

Yeah, what a dum dum! You're supposed to put it on your reclining wife's tummy. Afterwards, show that you cut the melon but not your wife's tummy.

GPS: "Jump the bridge ahead, then turn left."

Crow: Level off, flaps down, reduce speed,...
Eagle: I know how to do this, OK?

Crow: You gonna finish that fish?

Crow: Heard about the squirrel that rode on the back of the woodpecker? Weird stuff. http://goo.gl/vRCLzz

I used to do model rocketry. We ignited rocket engines remotely using a battery pack wired to an ignitor, sort of like a match-head on a thin wire (all Estes products). Couldn't the same be done for fireworks?

Nice graphic. Yikes.

The photog has to get them to "open up." (...What's going on here?)

Lufthansa? Can they bang my head with the cart when they deliver the food? Then look at me like it was my fault, and therefore not apologize? Deal.

"We're not going to fight in your stupid wars! What is that, a fish?"

This is my exact thought when my son asks me to fight (Nerf) swords. Drop what you're doing.

I'm not saying that I wish I were an amputee, but maybe, yeah. Anyways, I love the human capacity for humor.

I get it: this could get kids to start reading!! I'm kidding! They're reading! They're reading! They're reading, right? ;-)