Q. Does anyone know where this split rock is?
A. Yes. It was right in front of the bow of Chuck Norris' row boat. It is now behind the stern of Chuck Norris' row boat.

That reminds me of the famous misstatement by Neil Armstrong, who was scripted to say, "One small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind." Instead, he pronounced, "One small step for... whoa! Dude! This is WAY cool!"

Caption: "The Smell of Success."
(The glorious title of "Fartman" prolly came from the late great National Lampoon Radio Hour.)

One of my favorite words that I rarely use: "BEZOAR!"

Hillary Clinton uses them for "random" audience questions in town hall forums. Some are planted in GOP debate audiences as well.

Any adult that still calls himself "Danny" is at the same maturity level as a blogger who writes the word "sweet" twice in succession separated by a comma in describing something utterly inane.

Below that level is the bottom-feeding commenter on a successful website like Neatorama who says, "Hey! Check out my sweet, sweet blog!"

I'd never stoop so low.

As an American, I have the obligation to myself and to my family, to protect our own lives and possessions. NO ONE, government included, has the right to take that away.

If I wanted to live in unarmed fear, I'd move to Washington D.C.