If acupuncture actually worked, I think heroin addicts would be the healthiest people around. - @plaid_lemur
Team Twaggies's Blog Posts
The best part of smoking a cigarette while 8 months pregnant is screaming "Only God can judge me!" when people walk by. Apparently. - @christaland
I just farted at my desk assuming that the loud music would mask the sound. Unfortunately, I am wearing headphones. - @hsugene
Never trust anyone under 30 lbs. Especially when it comes to driving directions. Babies are liars. - @badbanana
Who was the first person to look at a cow & say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out"? @kempruffner
I've officially been trying to get my email on my new blackberry for two hours now. So frustrated! T-Mobile has me on hold... - @kucole
Williams Sonoma excels at selling me cookware I don't need to prepare meals with ingredients I can't afford for dinner guests I don't have. - @Tony_D
If I had to choose between owning a panda bear or a pander bear, I'd take the latter because he would always tell me what I wanted to hear. - @wadetoblack
The advertisements on the side of my Facebook page are Cure Stretch Marks and Scholarships for Single Moms... even the Internet has given up on me - @RaisedByHumans
Who needs those tiny screw drivers? The tip of a knife and a large box of band-aids work just as well. - @ethantrex
Her version of teamwork is continuing to bark orders, but louder, even though none of us report to her. - @meetingboy
Just saw a co-worker at the supermarket and had a nice long chat about what's going on in her life LOL JK I hid behind the potatoes. - @sween
Our microwave displays the text "FOOD IS DONE" after cooking, in case you're not sure what that beeping sound is. - @matt_silverman
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