A guy said "Twilight is for women what Star Wars is for men. I understand their obsession." Then I decapitated him with my lightsaber. - @AnnikaSkywalker
Team Twaggies's Blog Posts
Twitter is just daycare for adults @funnyoneliners @TequilaTuesday
Keep your iPhone4. I'm holding out for the iPhone10 which irons your boxers, tells you you're pretty and cuddles with you after sex. - @GaryJBusey
Water parks are basically just places to deposit used Band-Aids. - @michaelianblack
Great news. Scientists finally invent a car engine that uses water. Unfortunately the water has to come from the Gulf of Mexico. - @brendonsinclair
Twitter reminds me of a fridge. When you're bored you keep opening & closing it every few minutes to see if there's anything good in it - @5tevenw
Just saw a dude in a black cape at the grocery store. His evil plan somehow involves cheese. @howtogeek
Having dark hair in the summer sucks, with the 5 o'clock shadow in your armpits. @loveandbacon
Ron Jeremy's first pet was called Jeremy, and he grew up on Ron Street. @serafinowicz
Still inordinately sad about Dio's passing. How many people in all of history are known for a hand gesture? That's a great legacy. @anildash
I had no idea how much sugar is in Life® cereal until I smoked it. So yeah, high on Life®. @iamnotdiddy
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