North Korean Thighmaster. This heavy-duty version is needed by the Dear Leader, whose mighty thighs contain all the strength and power of a small fishing village.

Mosaic Yin and Yang
Ladies Medium

Pipe lifter

Mosaic Yin and Yang
Ladies Medium

Papal shoe trees

Bacon and Eggs Smiley, XXL

I prefer my cows made the regular way--out of steaks.

This is the baton of the Head Drum Major of the Steroid-Stoners Drum and Bugle Corp.

Not only does this 25 lbs mace work your pec's and delt's as you twirl it in the parade, but its got a secret screw down lid for "hemp storage".

Mosaic Yin and Yang, Ladies Medium

...

Viscometer

Brushed Skull, White, Ladies Medium

Darth Vader boots.

Tragic missed opportunity to say "Oh the humanity!..."

C'mon shaky camera guy. You're better than that.

Wooden toenail clipper from Amsterdam... along with acorn scented foot powder, oak bark socks and pine-tar toe nail polish, another failed attempt by the Dutch to expand their product line.

Mad Scientist, Mens Large, Color Natural

Advertisers in the 1900's installed this item near or around billboards to catch a passing male's attention--sometimes holding their gaze for hours.

When 2 were used they were referred to as a "pair of knockers", but individually they're called a "nice rack".

As to the writing on the front face, the letters are Elvish, but the language is that of Mordor, which says: "Hey buddy, my eyes are up here..."

Evil Smiley, Color:Black, Size: Ladies medium

What a sickening display.

In 1634 Rene Descartes the father of analytical geometry created this device dubbed a "Schwantz-o-meter" to prove empirically, for the first time, that "the angle of the dangle is proportional to the heat of the meat".

This breakthrough helped establish France's #1 ranking in the romantic sciences for the next 440 years, when it was surpassed by the Americans after release of Marvin Gaye's Let's Get It On in 1973.

Cute But Psycho - Things Even Out
Ladies Medium, Light Pink

This is prolly good for keeping bears, zombies and other critters outta yer foodstuffs and brains while you're sleeping.

It's part of an Olde Tyme Christmas Cracker Press from Britain.

Back before the invention of paper, Christmas Crackers (or Poppers) were made from cast iron. The large cavity of this tool formed the cast iron case around the festive treats.

The smaller cavities formed the Olde Tyme Semtex Plastyc Explosyve into the shape charges necessary to open case.

Mosaic Yin and Yang, Medium, Black