It puts the wine on the rack or it gets the hose again.

Does it come with a Kung Fu grip?!

"Hard Times at Penistone High"

"The folks of Penistone lobby to change embarrassing town name. Welcome to New Bonerville!"

"Entire town of Penistone, UK moved to Italy... citizens insist it's pronounced Peni-ston'-eee."

Looks more like 100 meters of the photog's freaky friends.

It is probably highly significant that we have reached a level of technology where we can automate teenage angst.

Ya know what? Fuck him.

So basically, if the deceased thought that the ending of The Big Lebowski was funny, then it's ok.

It's difficult to recall how far I got before the graphics induced seizure. I think I dreamed of clowns.

Kittah 1... Finish him!

Watch out for the brown note!

Looks like a comfy way to brand your spouse.

The same thing happened when we found some relatives soon after the Ellis Island database was put online a few years back. We found some relatives in the EU and contacted them and everyone was excited to know about each other at first but then we discovered that our shared grandfather was a real bastard and everyone thought we should leave well enough alone... lol...

The same thing happened to a little girl named Eileen Dover... the daughter of Ben Dover... she has a brother Skip Dover...

I don't know why... but giraffes really really like me. I honestly have half a dozen stories (from visits to zoos, state fairs, etc.) where they act like they know me and want to follow me around. Does that count as one?

Ring-Ring-Ring-Ring-Ring-Ring-Ring-Obama-Phoooone!