"now if only I could focus this damn thing, what I wouldn't give for opposable thumbs right now"

It's quite obviously an ornamental radiator key holder, never again will you be searching through drawers and toolboxes when you want to bleed your radiator, now it takes pride of place in your living room, kitchen, or study. Also makes an excellent conversation starter. Be the envy of all your friends, especially those who have lost their radiator keys and need to bleed their radiators.

I done seen one of them on the antiques roadshow, or blue peter, can't remember which. That be a Roasting Jack so says I.

Conan the Barbarians Cheese Knife

Tokyoflash Rogue
Black

It's a medievil Stickle Brick, from before they started making them out of plastic

God does shoot some mighty large arrows. :p

Looks from the holes to be some kind of target, probably towed behind a plane for other fighters to shoot at.

Hmmm, a tricky one this week, maybe for moving burning logs around in a fire?

Could be a hitch, for tying a horse to.

A horsestiletto, for the stylish filly who enjoys a night on the town.

Looks to me like a device for monogramming Golf Balls

Regarding Ironic, you have to respect the stance made by Bender in the episode "The Robot Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings". He spends the entire episode correcting misuse of the word Irony. It's comedy genius.

Awww, so that's what a baby Skexis looks like.

It's a steampunk tongue scraper