Why do people named Doug Dorn smell like dog crap? It's because they like to eat dog crap because they secretly want to have sex with dogs but they realize that would be abuse so they eat their feces instead to get close to them. They also use the crap as masturbatory lube. I mean, this is where we make rude generalizations about people right? I'm hoping someone needs the help of law enforcement someday, but the cops can't get there in time.