Whoever measured those 'average' human stomachs has obviously never been to south Texas.

The same government logic that gave us:

You aren't allowed to pay a woman money if you want to have sex with her; that's prostitution. But if you pay her money, have sex, and FILM it, then it's OK because you're just making an adult movie; that's OK.

Is dingleberry a bad word?

According to this map, diabetes is caused by saying "y'all".

Looks like a pizza did it with a burrito and this is their offspring.

I would try one. But is it that much different from Subway's pizza sub (which they will still make for you, but don't usually have on the menu)?

I knew this was coming. Mrs. Turtle started getting fat about 26 years ago. Just a matter of time.

Wow. Who could have foreseen that happening? I love these cause-and-effect articles!

Those dogs can even drive trucks? That's smart!

I was also reading at 2. Now I'm also unemployed. But at least I don't look 20 years older than my age.

A 20-year-old going to the prom? Is anyone surprised at his career choices?

Wretched creature. Wonder if he is able to blink.

You're no longer a kid when you're old enough to go out in public without your parents.

I mean, it's as bad as like, listening to any NPR interview, ya know? I mean, those, like, people they find to talk to, they like talk like they never formed, like, a sentence before today, ya know?

When did the, ya know, period at the end of each sentence become a verbal sound, ya know?

I once saw my girlfriend's stolen bike locked outside a restaurant. I grabbed it, walked it home, cut off the new lock, and returned it to my girlfriend.

They were only doing 5 mph. What's the problem?