Tension tool for leather belt drives. My grandfather always kept one tied to his belt. When we asked him why, he would become very cross. I've always wondered what happened to my 'Grandpa Hammer.' Ummm, where did you get this?

T Shirt, Good Marx Bad Marx XL blue

ButtFlute

The 1800's were a wild time. You really can't imagine.

Good Marx, Bad Marx Grey XL

A Cricklesnapper. This tool was used for plucking feathers from the now extinct Gumma-by bird (Clangeo Langapus) found on the Isle of Contrite off the southern coast of New Zealand, which sank into the sea in 1832. These feathers were popular in the orient for purposes not quite understood, but beleived to be rather risque, perhaps obscene by western mores. The Czarina Maria Alexandrova was scandalized by unknowingly wearing one such feather in an easter hat, possibly placed there by a subversive from Trelnost. The dissapearence of the island, along with every living example of the Gumma Bye bird, was thought to be done in revenge for this slight. It is supposed that this small feather scandall eventually led to the downfall of the Romanovs, Germany's defeat in WW1, etc.

Good Marx, Bad Marx, XL Grey

Court Relic of the Qin dynasty (221-217 BC) Thought at the time to be an earthquake detector. This may because the court Senechal, Wy di lod was grossly obese and whenever he passed near this it would wobble on its base, generating comical snorts and giggles from the royal court. It wasn't until the philospher Lo Dun D'rti accidently sat upon the device that its true purpose was discovered. Upon being compressed a small reed rubbed against a textured surface and a comical sound emenated. This is a Chinese whoopie cushion from before the age of Christ.

Good Marx Bad Marx XL grey. please

This is a tool for changing the barrel of a machinegun.

Out of Bubblegum XL blue

Don't be put off by the seemingly crude appearence of this device, for without it the astronauts would have never reached the moon! This an artificial orange squeezer that was used to make Tang, the delicous vitamin packed space drink you can enjoy right here on earth, if you have a taste for watery sickly sweet orange colored sand. I can't describe exacltly how it worked, because thats still so classified, even Snowden won't tell us. I think it was fitted to a space boot, and the artificial orange was stomped on like they do grapes when they make wine.

T-Shirt: Jinkies look at this, XL Blue

That is a guitar pick for 'Inner Core' heavy metal. The heaviest of heavy metal, played by men in six inch rubber suits on Nickel Iron guitars charged with 10,000 volts. The most famous of these extreme metal bands; 'The Daisys' usually suffers one fatality each performance.

T Shirt: Jinkies fellows, look at that! Blue XL

Remember POGS? This is 'the' pog press. Remember how many of them there was, there were millions, they were everywhere. All of them came from this damn press. This is the only one. I worked the midnight to eight shift, 3.75 an hour. Seventeen months in Minot, North Dakota, pressing pogs. Damn Damn Damn.

When Worlds Collide, Med, blue

Not an apple corer. Its a 'Mandolin Tuner', invented by Victor Npoxpobk, who hated mandolin music. He actually passed himself off as a mandolin tuner until he was arrested for wanton destruction of private property. Died in a mental institution in Keiv, 1931. I think this picture comes from the National Mandolin conservatory in the same city.

T Shirt medium, Diagram of Time and Space

Rutabaga Juicer. Simply grasp the rutabaga, squeeze and shake, fresh delicous rutabaga juice, just like grandma made before she went to the home, after they found those bodies. The ones with no heads.

T shirt, Grey Med 'Don't Blink'

Its a 'Candle Winder'. At least that's what it was sold as, discreetly from underneath counter at the local dry goods and feed store. Those crazy victorians and their pre electric battery sex toys.

Don't Blink -Med Grey t shirt (Daughter just discovered Dr. Who)

Its a Cheese De-Grater. You insert grated cheese into the holes and opened it by pulling the top handgrips apart and presto, whole cheese. Never caught on though, inventor committed suicide.

T-Shirt, Don't Blink, Grey Med

Dinosaur traps. We used to use them for animal feeders back on the farm, but gosh darn it (Excuse my French) every durn day or so they'd be all clogged up with big ol dinos! Sometimes a triceratops, sometimes that funny lookin' bony headed one, once it was a T-rex, though it was only his foot. Had to get rid of them (the feeders) and teach the cows to use vending machines.

When worlds collide blue Med

Golpher traps. Among the animal kingdom, golphers are statophiles, they love esoteric information and are fascinated by trivial numbers. When these are placed in a field inhabited by golphers, the little rodents will burrow right up to the number to read it (they are slightly nearsighted) and POW! it kills them with the sping loaded spike. A horrible death for a gentle inquisitive creature of nature, but we humans must jealously gaurd and maintain our precarious perch atop the food chain. Even the most insignificant threat must be dealt with in the harshest and most violent manner.

Statisticians do all the Standard deviations XL blue.

Anti-Rape device. Taken off the market because of TSA screenings.

Damned if you do, Bored if you don't XL