To deal with the other forms of cow pain, we'll set up a virtual reality simulation that the cows will spend their entire lives in. (think The Matrix)

They will experience only happy events, green fields and sexy members of the opposite sex (or same sex if they swing that way).

This system will produce the best tasting and most ethical meat ever experienced by mankind. I suggest we start with pigs. They're smarter, grow faster and tastier. Both we and they would see a larger benefit sooner.

She's a man!