I have been reading these posts with interest and hope someone out there (mike stone, anyone?) might post an answer to my question:
If you are one of those people (me) who has moved to a small town (not a one-light town, but a smaller town in comparison where i came from) and you are feeling excluded, what do you do to cope?
The county where I was raised (pop. 1,200,000 - in florida) was a place where I could enjoy my anonymity. The place where I moved to with my husband and 2 small children in NJ (pop. 10,000) is a place where I am constantly feeling conflicting feelings about. Not only is the anonymity lost, but because of my extremely ethic "look" (hispanic) and background, I and my children have experienced what I can refer to as either racism or exclusion.
Since this is where my husband grew up, he does not experience the same things we do - he is accepted much more openly and cannot relate so much to what I am experiencing.
I have tried being involved (we have been here for 5 years now, 2 years traveling back and forth from Florida, and then 3 years full time) but what I have found is that the small town politics of being involved on even the smallest committee or club is very negative. People either flat out just don't like you, or they don't like how you are doing things. The women can be very cliquish and catty. The kids learn from their parents and exclude your children as uncool. The men align with whatever their wives are doing.
Mind you, not every single citizen of the town is like this, but it is prevalent enough and that's being generous) that I question whether this is the right place for me.
Now the positives: it is a safe town, the schools are good, most of the people who live here are not criminals and they work for a living, there are a handful of people who seem to have no problem accepting an outsider. These are all positives in comparison where I came from. But I definitely feel marginalized about 90% of the time and it is hard to feel good about being here, despite the positives.
As a mom and a human, I have been trying to create a new family here (my family is in Florida) through friendships. It is so hard. It seems people are already where they want to be and don't have room for anyone new.
Any words of wisdom that might help me as a mom, a person, a citizen would be appreciated.
If you are one of those people (me) who has moved to a small town (not a one-light town, but a smaller town in comparison where i came from) and you are feeling excluded, what do you do to cope?
The county where I was raised (pop. 1,200,000 - in florida) was a place where I could enjoy my anonymity. The place where I moved to with my husband and 2 small children in NJ (pop. 10,000) is a place where I am constantly feeling conflicting feelings about. Not only is the anonymity lost, but because of my extremely ethic "look" (hispanic) and background, I and my children have experienced what I can refer to as either racism or exclusion.
Since this is where my husband grew up, he does not experience the same things we do - he is accepted much more openly and cannot relate so much to what I am experiencing.
I have tried being involved (we have been here for 5 years now, 2 years traveling back and forth from Florida, and then 3 years full time) but what I have found is that the small town politics of being involved on even the smallest committee or club is very negative. People either flat out just don't like you, or they don't like how you are doing things. The women can be very cliquish and catty. The kids learn from their parents and exclude your children as uncool. The men align with whatever their wives are doing.
Mind you, not every single citizen of the town is like this, but it is prevalent enough and that's being generous) that I question whether this is the right place for me.
Now the positives: it is a safe town, the schools are good, most of the people who live here are not criminals and they work for a living, there are a handful of people who seem to have no problem accepting an outsider. These are all positives in comparison where I came from. But I definitely feel marginalized about 90% of the time and it is hard to feel good about being here, despite the positives.
As a mom and a human, I have been trying to create a new family here (my family is in Florida) through friendships. It is so hard. It seems people are already where they want to be and don't have room for anyone new.
Any words of wisdom that might help me as a mom, a person, a citizen would be appreciated.
Thanks for reading.