Herbert Spencer, the man who gave us Social Darwinism, also invented the paperclip.

or this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wM58YXp2x0

It's obviously a grenade.

You stick the end of a spit in it and use it to turn meat over the fire.

Just don't wear it in Boston. Don't want to cause any bomb scares.

An old style electric soldering iron. The key winds up a clockwork generator in the bulge.

wind up engraving pen

"Your gourd, sir."

...and due to a massive miscalculation of scale, the entire fleet was swallowed by a small dog.

Wouldn't trying to turn it off actually trigger it?

will prolonged usage make you all sparkly and broody and stalky?

Of course, if they made the Digital Switchover, they're not going to be able to get the message even if it does get through.

If it gets through at all it will probably be to some Dead-Tech aficionado who will be called the alien version of "woo-woo" and be accused of making the whole thing up.

Go Go PIGZILLA!!

JAWS...The Luau

oops.... Anyway...

Cue the Jaws Theme done as a series of oinks...

"Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water...HAMHOCKS!