Wow, this is amazing bullshit. Champagne (pronounced cham PAG knee - after the book "Bury My Heart At Cham Pag Knee") is best poured into a slipper, while atop a round fur rug, in front of a fire, while listening to Al Green, with Delta Burke.

You have failed me for the last time, physics.

A calculator with a "divide by zero" button.

Not a movie, but at Universal Studios in Los Angeles, there used to be a Dracula show, and Renfield would come out to the audience to take people onstage. I was like five, and that scared the crap out of me. I got up and ran to the other side of the theater when he got near me.

I made a dog poop shoe at home. In my yard. I had som assistance from my dog. Can I market that?

"Times I can't remember because I was totally baked, and can't believe somebody let me use a firearm."

@BLS Yeah, your joke is funny and all, but I just lost a ton of bar bets with this whole "Not the fault of the Jews thing." I now owe so many people so much money.

@BLS: It's only got 3,000 miles, and those were driven in a straight line, by a little old lady who would drag race on the Bonneville Salt Flats.

So they're saying it wasn't the Jews?

I think this is the first time in recorded history that anyone has used the words "Barstow" and "luxurious" to describe the same thing without any hint of sarcasm.

This isn't new. It's other name is In The Back Of A Hatchback O Rama