It's the Jesus fish wearing giant earrings.

Pointless Stories are my thing - L Military Green

Manual-Winding Punishment machine. The missing part on the handle is the paddle. You would wind a string around the tapered screw, place the punishee next to the paddle, then pull the string as hard as demanded by the crime.

(Pointless Stores Are My Thing, L, Military Green)

Victorian-Era Combination Dimple Placer and E-Z Natural Birth Assister(tm)

Ted Kaczynski's custom-made Cuisinart food processor.

Medieval German "lazy eye" correction device. The instruction manual reads: "Forsooth, that ye shalt correcteth ye droopsy aye that shews most lazyly the Devyl's idle nature, for merely three paiements of nineteen guilders 'pon each successive new moone."

Auger snail homebuilding kit.

Wall-mounted dreidel for idiots.

Slinky Extraction Unit. All hospitals used to have these.

Altar boy gauge.