Kinda looks like some fascine knives, or serpes in French.

It's a lintstock. The metal part would have been mounted on a staff. The cord is treated with saltpetre to create slow-burning "match" (as in matchlock muskets). The lintstocks would have been used to light gunpowder in the touch-holes of cannons and mortars.

I'm not picky when it comes to shirts, though a medium would be nice.

This is strange. The clip is from a Canadian programme (This Hour Has 22 Minutes) but according to Youtube I cannot see it from my country, Canada. Bizarre. I suppose the show itself has the rights here.

Lovely model, although I do believe the union jack didn't exist until the Union of Scotland and England in 1707.