i bet the infidelity rate of twins is off the charts

excuse me, can i get that in ones?

"I'm a baby with a batman mask on"

...meanwhile, at the bottom of Boston Harbour, underwater senator Fish Kennedy calls the committee meeting to order.
"Before the uh, vodker I was the size of a kelp"

mexican this time? i'm bringing toilet paper.

create a standard test of third-world countries' inhabitants, testing their compassion for humans and overall common sense.

relocate those who pass, nuke the rest.

thin the herd!

what if your golf partner grabs that club? what if the top pops open and you have to find a way to explain why they're covered in your urine?

this makes me want to eat a salad.

no no, you're all wrong. it's for decorating your walls, doors, curtains, neighbours, with those cool Matrix numbers. just a nice swipe down with the two-numbered system and 15 hours later you're finished. this harkens back to the digit wars of the late 1800s between schick and gillette, who were constantly one-upping each other by releasing these matrix stamps with one more number column than the competitor. by the time they reached 100 and it weighed over 300lbs, the fad died out.

maybe i've got the gene that keeps me from being a p****y, but that guy would be in a world of hurt the moment that monitor hit that woman. look at those shmoes just standing around. even a little guy runs in and takes him right down. how emasculating it must've been for everyone who did nothing. and if it's fake, good job, it got me riled up :)

'hey honey, y'know that nicholson fella we paid to make the doggy door? he's fired.'

once you pop... and realize it's a dead guy... you can't stop... running.

er, mission control... that ain't dark matter.

it looks like a gross cut, suffered by someone who might hallucinate after being thrown from their motorcycle. whatever gets you through the day.

whoaaaaa, 35 bucks. they're really cracking down.