It would have been more humane if it had been Puppy vs Giant Slingshot than Puppy vs a robot. When are they going to come out with the giant, roving robotic puppy slingshots, any-hoo?

Magnets are God's tears.

I'm so glad those young ninja-fellows have finally found a more positive outlet for their amazing talents, then all of those nasty political assassinations. I often told them that if they would just apply themselves and trust a little, they would see results soon enough. Well... I'm just so proud!

Ya, the meaning of the word 'misogynistic' has become watered-down a bit in popular parlance, like the word 'surreal.'

Don't let Commie Joe Stalin take away your dinner! Keep your shelter stocked with Senator McCarthy-approved SPAM. The only meat proven to survive a nuclear attack.

WARNING: Smoking SPAM is not a safe alternative to cigarettes.

Honestly, undeveloped fetal pigs produce the most tender and tastiest meat possible, just don't think about it.

SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING: Consuming SPAM Near Pregnant Women May Result in Fetal Injury, Premature Birth, and Low Birth Weight.

The next time you see Techno Viking grooving in the middle of the street, protecting all the cool chicks from harshing marauders and naer-do-wells, hand him something that will keep his pointing hand in the air and laying down God's law. Hand him...

Gracie, five semi trucks filled with ever-lovin' SPAM just pulled up in front of the house! I've got Hormel on the line, and they say you told them that we don't want money! What did you do?!

At least the money's good.

'Served in fine nut houses nationwide.

Honey, seriously. You are taking this promotion a little too far. I think you are developing an unhealthy, and when I say 'unhealthy,' I'm not trying to be funny... an unhealthy obsession with...

Gracie, I've got Malaria, is there a cure?

Babe, Bing Crosby just called and said Bob Hope stinks like a jar of two-day-old gorilla butt, what can he use to mask the stench?