> 8. One focus group in Vancouver thought the double-helix DNA strand on the new $100 bill looked like sex beads...

Interestingly, the Bank of Canada was originally planning to use actual sex beads as their replacement for the paper bills, but decided against it when they realized not every Canadian could be counted on to sterilize the beads before spending them.

> I prefer our paper money and question the polymers ingredients: are they made using their highly injurious tar sands?

Yes, indeed they are, combined with the oil made from crushing adorable harp seals and the tears from baby polar bears.

This isn't just about "catering" to obese people. It's also being done for the benefit of the paramedics who have to lift patients into the ambulance and who suffer a lot of injuries as a result of having to lift heavy people.