Adam and Eve were Canadian. @barneda
no. 226 - @WeaverMichael
Feel like going out clubbin' tonight. ...Not the hipster version, the caveman one. - @WeaverMichael
no. 225 - @hayeslady
Nothing brings up an epic inner struggle quicker than the question of wether or not to return the shopping cart to it's holding spot. @hayeslady
no. 224 - @Ryan_Duncan redux
In space, no one puts baby in the corner. @Ryan_Duncan
no. 223 - @linajk
Women *do* come with instructions. Lots of them. Ask my husband. @linajk
no. 222 - @Just_Alison
The golden age of marketing will finally arrive when playing a Natalie Merchant song makes my iPhone print out a coupon for tampons. - @Just_Alison
no. 219 - @WillyFerrell
Dear Math, I'm sick and tired of finding your "x". Just accept the fact that she's gone. Move on, dude. - @WillyFerrell
no. 220 - @converse_day
Did you hear about the big fight that Madonna, Cher, Jewel, and Fabio had? They're no longer on a first-name basis. - @converse_day
no. 218 - @zdoggmd
you forgot to mention your homeopathic plumber! They dilute Drano 1:10000000000000 and assure u it will work. - @zdoggmd
no. 217 - @mollymcnearney
I bet every porta potty dreams of someday being a photo booth. - @mollymcnearney
no. 216 - @Girl11Eleven
My phone is broken and my laptop is fried and now I'm pretty sure the Mayans were off by two years. @Girl11Eleven
no. 214 - @PatheticPaul
Realized I'm walking in wrong direction... Pull out cell phone, pretend to read and turn around. @PatheticPaul
no. 213 - @mekdigital
gone phishing - @mekdigital
no. 215 - @NHLShanny
I went for a run this a.m. It was like the running scene from Rocky 1. Not the fun trumpet inspirational good run, the sad lonely piano one. @NHLShanny
no. 212 - @VanitiesMirrors
For Sale: Wedding dress, size 12, worn once by mistake. @VanitiesMirrors