I'm thinking about changing my avatar to a chicken, then sexting with a girl who has an egg avatar, and see who comes first. - @BillMc7
~ Illustration by: Gary Krejca~
We know that a million monkeys with typewriters can bang out Shakespeare but has anyone experimented with giant insects and Kafka? @FlyoverJoel
Cute girl walking by. Time to flex my one pack and nonchalantly laugh at nothing on my phone. - @TrainedHedonist
~Illustration by: Dayton Castleman~
If we didn't evolve opposable thumbs, would we still be able to text? @BillyCrystal
You know how sometimes as you fall asleep your whole body jolts you awake? That's a ghost finishing sex with you. - @kellyoxford
~Illustration by: Xenia Latii~
"SHUT UP! IT WAS COLD THAT DAY!" -- Michelangelo's David - @YUCKYBOT
~Illustration by: Chris Tokunaga~
I love being scratched and bitten during sex. So yeah, totally a cat person. - @YUCKYBOT
~Illustration by: Rene Mijares~
I'd steal jokes from The Far Side, but that's Larsony. - @thesulk
~Illustration by:Â Donovan Santiago~
Definitely Damien Fahey day here at Twaggies HQ.
Okay amateur photographers, the 1,000,000,000,000th close-up photo of a flower has been taken.It's safe to move on to other objects now. - @DamienFahey
~Illustration: Albert Chang~
If you've driven a UPS truck, you've delivered a dildo. - @DamienFahey
~Today's illustration: Gary Krejca~
As some have pointed out, we flubbed the first take on this Twaggie. So here's the redux. MUCH better, eh?
Every fart is a silent fart for deaf people. - @HaHaWhitePPL 
1. Pet a horse. 2. Wear a velour shirt. 3. Try a plum. #sadbucketlist - @jenny_tollwartz 
Walmart is like a zoo for humans to watch humans. - 
