no. 316 - @goldenjessica
Just played a round of one of my favorite games #oopsnotmyprius - @goldenjessica
~Illustration by: John P. Dessereau~
no. 315 - @PaulBriganti
Pretty sure I just got the first draft version of the justin bieber haircut - @PaulBriganti no. 314 - @yoyoha
Dear Women, We don't know how to imply anything, so please stop getting mad at us for that.
~ Illustration by:Â Gary Krejca~
no. 313 - @OuterJohn
"I have no son." -- Lumberjack discovering his son with waffles instead of pancakes - @OuterJohn
~Illustration by:Â Carnilius R~
no. 312 - @snowness
I've decided to impose celibacy on myself. Now I can pretend I'm not getting laid out of personal choice. @snowness
~Illustration by:Â Carnilius R~
no. 311 - @rosa
If I ever get married, the pre-nup will stipulate that bending the corners of a book's pages is grounds for divorce. - @rosa
~Illustration by: Pete Hillstrom~
no. 310 - @JordyHamrick
If I ever commit a murder and need to somewhere to hide the body, I
have the perfect place in mind...
MySpace. - @JordyHamrick
~Illustration by: Zach Rodis~Â
no. 309 - @JordyHamrick
Its pretty adorable how raccoons and deer take naps on the side of highways all the time. - @JordyHamrick
~Illustration by: Kevin Coffee~
no. 307 - @DrTwittenheimer
Staring longingly at the door works for my cats, but I tried it in a meeting and no one let me out. -Â @DrTwittenheimer
no. 306 - @puresurplus
A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him. -Â @puresurplus
no. 305 - @JennyJohnsonHi5
I view cooking the same way I view having kids. I can do it, I just don't want to. - @JennyJohnsonHi5 no. 308 - @Wussawilla
no. 304 - @YeahImAshley
After sex, guys have the same problem as a murderer: what to do with the body. - @YeahImAshley
~Illustration by:Â Kaz Foxsen~
no. 303 - @ixSEANxi
They're tweets, not Hemingway. Get the fuck over yourselves. - @ixSEANxi
~Illustration by: Carnilius R~
no. 302 - @YourFavWhiteGuy
If your girl & her BFF are always saying "OMG, we're pretty much the same person!" then you can bang her friend. #notcheating #sameperson @YourFavWhiteGuy~Illustration by: Emily Niland~
