~Illustration by: Pete Hillstrom~
You can't really blame Noah for not knowing the two unicorns were gay. -Â @Mothpete
no. 495 - @DrThanatos
~Illustrated by: Brian Hamill~
The only thing I spoon nowadays is Ice Cream. - @DrThanatosno. 494 - @AgamemNOMNOM
~Illustration by:Â Kevin Coffee~
You haven't lived until you've burst out of a vagina, naked. -Â @AgamemNOMNOM
no. 493 - @nanoblossom
 ~Illustration by: Matt Lassen~
"I hate my shelf." —Suicidal Carpenter @nanoblossomno. 492 - @BoucheDag2k
I walk by my boss's office & say "You're such an asshole" then point to my blue-tooth headset so he thinks I'm talking to someone else @BoucheDag2k
no. 491 - @RexHuppke
~Illustration by:Â Matt Lassen~
My kids are "into cars," so we went to a car show. Totally unfair. I'm "into boobs," but do we ever go to a boob show? No. - @RexHuppke
no. 490 - @CrossCzech17
  ~Illustration by: Pete Hillstrom~
That's weird. I just bought the "Best of Limp Bizkit" CD and it's blank. @CrossCzech17no. 489 - @0ddfellow
~Illustrated by:Â Jeff Maksuta~
At this point, the printed phone book industry must be surviving solely on 5 year olds that drive cars. @0ddfellowno. 488 - @donni
Cats prove that arrogance is bliss. -Â @donni
no. 487 - @Holstein50
~Illustration by:Â Jim Bertram~
What if Apple copyrighted every word in the English language with an 'i' in front of it? - @Holstein50no. 486 - @senderblock23
DINOSAURS ARE THE REAL NATIVE AMERICANS! -Â @senderblock23
no. 485 - @clarkekant
We’re super excited to be collaborating with Favstar.fm for this twaggie. Any time a new tweet on Favstar gets 5 “Tweet of the Day†trophies, we’ll add our own trophy in the form of a cartoon! Be sure to sign up with Favstar.fm’s bonus features to enable the Tweet of the Day functionality.
~Illustration by:Â Carnilius R~
$1,248,123,904,749 spent, over 6000 soldiers dead and 180,000 killed so far to avenge the deaths of 2973 people. Trust me, we won't forget. -Â @clarkekant
no. 484 - @resila
"I may not have rhythm, but I got algorithm!" - computer programmer at a disco - @resila
no. 483 - @Boymeeetsworld
 ~Illustration by: Kevin Coffee~
Updating phrases to match today’s technology: Killing two birds with one stone has now been changed to killing two pigs with one bird. @Boymeeetsworldno. 482 - @MarcusStricklin
~Illustrated by: Brian Hamill~
If you've ever wanted something and too lazy to get up and get it, and haven't tried to summon it with the force, I can't even know you. -Â @MarcusStricklin