no. 752 - @nedroid
My life is about 80% waiting until it's time to eat food @nedroid My life is about 80% waiting until it's time to eat food @nedroid My life is about 80% waiting until it's time to eat food @nedroid 
no. 751 - @JimGaffigan
  ~Illustrated by Joy and Noelle of Twins Are Weird~
Hey people that sit on planes not reading, listening to or watching anything: you look like serial killers. @JimGaffiganno. 750 - @prodigalsam
Hard tacos are just soft tacos from the streets. @prodigalsam no. 749 - @VeryShortStory
Outside the window, Mark stood in the moonlight, serenading Vicky. Her heart remained closed, unmoved by the sounds of his tuba. @VeryShortStory no. 748 - @misandristcutie
are you there god? it's-a me, mario @misandristcutie no. 747 - @CrystalMoonable
~Illustrated by: @hollandersauce~
no. 746 - @ericicomedy
no. 745 - @mdvaldosta
Ladies: we're not fooled by your PMS trickery. I see how happy you are in those tampon commercials. @mdvaldosta no. 744 - @NotJPo
1. Eat stack of pancakes for breakfast.
2. Go on diet.
3. Eat carrot for lunch.
4. Yell at kids.
5. Cry.
6. Eat 45 oreos.  @NotJPono. 743 - @hipstermermaid
~Original illustration by: Mitra Farmand~
no. 742 - @BlitznBeans
no. 741 - @PyrBliss
I don't care if they ban texting and driving; my middle finger out the driver's side window will always be the original instant message. @PyrBliss no. 740 - @meganamram
Love means never having to say anything because you're both looking at your smart phones -Â @meganamram no. 739 - @donni
no. 738 - @OneFunnyBastard
I haven't spoken to my wife in 8 days because she hates it when I interrupt her  @OneFunnyBastard 
