"Only the good die." - Jung— Brandon Gutermuth (@UNTRESOR) January 24, 2013 ~Illustration by: Charles C. Somerville~...

I keep pushing the potato button on the microwave, but alas, no potato. :(— Snorklhuahua (@weinerdog4life) December 22, 2012...

1. Change last name to Crunch.2. Join the military.3. Work my way up to Captain.4. Become Captain Crunch.5. WIN LIFE— Lesli (@leslid79) March 17, 2013...

Amish murderers get the acoustic chair.— donni (@donni) July 30, 2011 This week's tweets are brought to you by ManageFlitter, an amazing tool to manage your Twitter account. We use it every day to see w...

Post-Traumatic Conference Call Syndrome. Oh, it's real.— Meeting Boy (@MeetingBoy) February 13, 2012 This week's tweets are brought to you by ManageFlitter, an amazing tool to manage your Twitter accoun...

Omg, I'm a huge fan!-Windmills— Shkeeber (@shkeeber) June 8, 2012 This week's tweets are brought to you by ManageFlitter, an amazing tool to manage your Twitter account. We use it every day to see which...

I'd like to thank my skeletal system for all the support its given me over the years.— The Shark Knight (@Mothpete) February 23, 2012 This week's tweets are brought to you by ManageFlitter, an amazing t...

Why Google Sinatra when you can “Bing” Crosby! #LOL #Terrific #KONY2012— rob delaney (@robdelaney) December 25, 2012 This week's tweets are brought to you by Manage Flitter, an amazing tool to...

I read a tragic children's story this weekend. It was about two books telling a young screenplay that it was adapted.— Westy (@wwwesty) August 15, 2011 This week's tweets are brought to you by Manage Flit...

I think I have restless leg syndrome. I'm trying to sleep but my leg bought a Harley and took off to "find out what America really IS, man."— John Moe (@johnmoe) August 22, 2010...