Ladies: we're not fooled by your PMS trickery. I see how happy you are in those tampon commercials. @mdvaldosta...

1. Eat stack of pancakes for breakfast. 2. Go on diet. 3. Eat carrot for lunch. 4. Yell at kids. 5. Cry. 6. Eat 45 oreos.  @NotJPo...

Love means never having to say anything because you're both looking at your smart phones - @meganamram...

I wish I loved anything as much as morning radio hosts love their own jokes. @GavinPivott...

Homeless people love a handout, but they love using the blood pressure machine at CVS even more. @anjeanettec...

Free idea: Kitchen-counter-sized Post-It notes. When the counter is dirty, you just tear it off. @sadmonsters...

When a girl says, "I think we should talk," it's never about the Bat Mobile. @Aspersioncast...

Funky Winkerbean was originally created so band teachers would have something to tape to their office windows. @dankmccoy...

Women complaining about childbirth: I'll bet you n...  ... in college who listened to nothing but live Dave Matthews concerts. @THEmikewhite

Cooking a TV dinner, what red wines go best with a Toshiba? - @JOEVEIX...