I'm a real animal in bed. That animal is the sloth. *rolls over* *uses tongue to lift popcorn that spilled on sheets into mouth*— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) October 3, 2013 Want it on a t-shirt? Click the shirts...

It's just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.— Just Bill (@WilliamAder) January 1, 2012 Want it on a t-shirt? Click the shirts below!...

The Price is Right crowd but for my life decisions.— Taylor (@gingerfaced) May 16, 2013 Want it on a t-shirt? Click the shirts below!...

When are they going to invent a thing you have to blow into before a tweet or text can be sent?— BoobzilaMcSugaTractr (@Boobzillaz) November 2, 2012 Want it on a t-shirt? Click the shirts below!...

Stomach: I'm hungry. Brain: Chill out, dude, she's in a meeting. Stomach: I WILL NOW DEMONSTRATE A WHALE'S MATING CALL.— Ruxin McWhiskey (@KCCOTyler) April 10, 2013 Want it on a t-shirt? Click the shirts belo...

I'm not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.— angieMcSugarButt (@LuvPug) April 13, 2013...

My ex told me "you should tell me when you orgasm." I told him I didn't want to bother him at work.— Paige Binder (@Lpbinder) April 10, 2013...

Can I subscribe to your issues?— Bleeding Gums Murphy (@PUEBLOPLUG) December 12, 2012...

Do transformers buy car or life insurance?— Um Hello (@poopidoop) March 22, 2013...

I'm gay but not 'Disney Villain' gay.— Blair, Loudly (@BlairLoudly) February 1, 2013...