It's 2:41am. I guess the D in Claritin-D stands for DON'T EVEN TRY SLEEPING BECAUSE I WILL WIRE YOU. - @WendiAarons...

You probably know that Socrates was forced to die by drinking poison, but did you know that he was made to drink hemlock, which essentially shuts down the body and allows the mind to continue functioning until death...

I have a coupon good for 1 blowjob that I got from my ex on my birthday, so if any of you ladies take coupons from competitors... @SmokeMyWords...

~Illustration by: Matt Lassen~ I bet by now cocaine is actually getting tired of Lindsay Lohan. - @iHateJeffBaker...

Some of you smoke so much weed that I'm pretty sure Bob Marley had a poster of you on his wall. @vonbunnie...

~Illustrated by: Lonnie MF Allen~ if i was a mafia boss i would insist that everyone in my mob communicate through charades. even on the phone. @zefrank...

When you think about it, Winnie the Pooh makes a lot more sense when you consider all of the characters simply live inside of a mental institution. Dan Meth hit the nail on the head with this great medication chart. Li...

~Illustration by: Carnilius R~ I refuse to get down from my high horse, because I'm high too and we're going on an adventure. - @Spotswoj...

 ~Illustration by: Kevin Coffee~ "Hey, that shit looks fun. Don't do that." - religion - @CuddlyNinja...

Instead of mandatory steroid testing for athletes, why not just make every athlete take steroids? - @willwrite4beer ~Illustration by: Gideon Virgadamo~...