Missing Bike, NO REWARD

Writing down your feelings sure can make you feel better! This anonymous note to a bike thief - a classic from the Interweb of yore (we first saw it way back in 2010) - elegantly described the problem and the (lack of) solution:

MISSING!

My bike was stolen from my front lawn last week. It is a one-speed bike with a skull flag and a lightning bolt on it. The lightning bolt and flag may have been removed. This bike was brand new from the store.

NO REWARD

I don't even want this bike back. I just made these flyers to tell you that I hate you, bike thief. I hope you ride my bike without a helmet and get hit by a monster truck. I hope my bike takes you straigth to hell.