Don't Eat That, John! -- The Rice Krispie Treat Pizza

Don't That John! is my ongoing series of daring experiments that push the envelope of culinary science and, dare I say, human achievement. In the past, I've made a taco pizza, a Taco Bell Doritos taco smoothie, and a French toast Reuben Nutella Elvis sandwich. Today, I decided to make a pizza.

But not just any pizza. Pizza is wonderful, of course. But so are Rice Krispie treats. So I made a pizza that had a Rice Krispie treats for the crust.

Other people have made Rice Krispie treat "pizzas" in the sense that they have made Rice Krispie treats decorated with candy so that they look like pizzas. But I want a meal--a pizza meal.

This week, humanity reached out and landed a probe on a comet. This was an unprecedented event brought about by great intellect, daring, and determination. In the same spirit and initiative that made the Philae lander possible, I offer to you the Rice Krispie treat pizza.

The first step was to make a bunch of Rice Krispie treat material. I used Kellogg's official recipe, which consists of combining 3 tablespoons of butter, 6 cups of Rice Krispies, and a 10-ounce bag of mini marshmallows.

After covering my hands with butter, I shaped a large ball of Rice Krispie treat batter into a pizza crust. I ended up with more than I needed for the pizza, but my daughters kindly rectified my error.

One of the great challenges of this project is that Rice Krispie treats will burn rather than bake if left in the oven for too long. I needed to bake the pizza long enough to melt the cheese, but not so long as to burn the Rice Krispie treats.

So after forming the crust, I placed it in the freezer for an hour. While it was in the freezer, I started the oven, setting it to broil at 525ºF. I also softened the shredded mozzarella a bit by microwaving it for 20 seconds. Thus the cheese would be somewhat melted already and the crust would go into the oven frozen. I hoped that by doing these things, I would reduce the amount of cooking time necessary while preserving the crust.

It was a success! After assembling the ingredients, I cooked the pizza for a mere 4 minutes to turn the Rice Krispie treats a crispy brown and to melt the cheese thoroughly.

The pizza slices slid off the pan easily enough. The only difficulty lay in that although the outer edge dried, the covered parts of the crust got a bit soggy. My wife described her slice as "vaguely reminiscent of soggy canned pasta," which fits.

It's a nice combination sweet and salty flavors and crunchy and smooth textures. "Don't eat that, John"? No, do eat this wonder from my kitchen!