Star Wars Toys: For the Man-Child in You

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Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens will awaken upon us tomorrow! For 38 years, this ongoing story has warmed the child-like heart in you. Celebrate the occasion and its life-transforming message by buying toys. You can play with them!

But that would be a terrible idea. You must preserve them mint on card inside their original packaging. And make sure that the packaging itself isn't damaged! I recommend using a custom shadow box display case. And, in order to make sure that the box does not suffer deterioration due to exposure to ultraviolet light, make sure that it, like you, is not exposed to natural sunlight. Your mother's basement will fulfill that role perfectly.

Then play with that toy--with only your eyes, of course! This Saturday Night Live commercial has the right idea.

-via Uproxx