Out Of The Mouth Of Babes: Part 1
Are you constantly surprised by the odd things your children feel compelled to say? I know I am! This is my list of the top 5 strangest things my kids have said to me This Week.
1. You were born a long time ago! You have had a lot of birthdays! - The 4-year old
I have never been one to obsess about my age. Frankly, I have too many other things to obsess about. I like to save my anxiety for things that will eventually turn my children into well rounded crispies or tea cups.
Thanks to my 4-year old, however, I am starting to doubt my youthful appearance. Maybe I should start obsessing about my age. I have a to-do list that lays out my daily neuroses. I am sure can squeeze in being freaked out about my age somewhere.
2. I picked a lot of books. I don't think we have enough money for all the books. You need to go to work and make more money. - The 4-year old
I am a Mom. That means I say "no" a lot. I try to be honest with the kids. We don't have the money to buy everything. It's a simple allocation of funds issue.
My 4-year old's solution to all money issues: Mommy needs to get her butt back to the office and make more money. On the plus side, at least she is a problem solver.
3. Ring the Bell!!! - The Baby
The Baby loves to ring the doorbell. Now that she is starting to talk more she has learned to say scream , "Ring the bell!" The first time she said it I was so excited.
It really is wonderful when you child finally learns to speak. You also can't help but be awed by their ability to put together small sentences. It really is a wonderful time.
The problem is that the Baby flat out refuses to say Mama. Oh, she will say Dada and Daddy and a whole slew of other words, but not Mama. If you ask her to say Mama you will get one of two responses:
a) She will ignore you and turn her head away.
b) She will say Dada and laugh at you.
Now to add insult to injury the beautiful little booger is making mini sentences. Seriously, it is just a matter of time before she refers to me as, "hey lady!"
4. Do you know Justin Bieber? Katelyn knows Justin Bieber, but I don't know Justin Bieber. I don't think I like Justin Bieber. - The 4-year old
How did this happen? I thought you had to be a pre-teen to know about Justin Bieber. I didn't think preschoolers knew anything about him. Obviously I know nothing.
I didn't tell her that I knew who Justin was. Nor did I mention his tendency to wear purple. If the 4-year old knew about the purple I am sure she would like Justin.
5. When Nermal dives and goes to doggy heaven can we get a dog? - The 4-year old
Some how the 4-year old thinks that diving and dieing are the same thing. Basically when you die you swim off to Heaven. I don't know if scuba gear is required for the trip. I haven't really discussed the whole concept with her at length.
Nermal is our pet cat. I am not sure how the cat is going to feel about going to doggy heaven. Nermal isn't that thrilled with dogs here on earth.
Bonus: Mommy, I need a bucket and some bricks. I am going to make a Leprechaun boobie-trap! Those Leprechauns are very sneaky! - The 4-year old
I don't know what she plans on doing with the Leprechaun when she catches him. I wonder how he would feel about having bows in his hair. Poor little Leprechaun.
Now let's have a little fun. I dare you to share with me the craziest things your kids have said to you this week. Please put your answer in the comment section below. The funniest 5 responses will win a T-shirt from the NeatoShop and be featured in next weeks post.
Please write your T-shirt selection alongside your guess. If you don't include a selection, you forfeit the prize, okay?
Happy commenting!
Update(3/22/11): This contest is now over. Thank you to everyone who participated! The winners are listed in part two.
1. You were born a long time ago! You have had a lot of birthdays! - The 4-year old
I have never been one to obsess about my age. Frankly, I have too many other things to obsess about. I like to save my anxiety for things that will eventually turn my children into well rounded crispies or tea cups.
Thanks to my 4-year old, however, I am starting to doubt my youthful appearance. Maybe I should start obsessing about my age. I have a to-do list that lays out my daily neuroses. I am sure can squeeze in being freaked out about my age somewhere.
2. I picked a lot of books. I don't think we have enough money for all the books. You need to go to work and make more money. - The 4-year old
I am a Mom. That means I say "no" a lot. I try to be honest with the kids. We don't have the money to buy everything. It's a simple allocation of funds issue.
My 4-year old's solution to all money issues: Mommy needs to get her butt back to the office and make more money. On the plus side, at least she is a problem solver.
3. Ring the Bell!!! - The Baby
The Baby loves to ring the doorbell. Now that she is starting to talk more she has learned to say scream , "Ring the bell!" The first time she said it I was so excited.
It really is wonderful when you child finally learns to speak. You also can't help but be awed by their ability to put together small sentences. It really is a wonderful time.
The problem is that the Baby flat out refuses to say Mama. Oh, she will say Dada and Daddy and a whole slew of other words, but not Mama. If you ask her to say Mama you will get one of two responses:
a) She will ignore you and turn her head away.
b) She will say Dada and laugh at you.
Now to add insult to injury the beautiful little booger is making mini sentences. Seriously, it is just a matter of time before she refers to me as, "hey lady!"
4. Do you know Justin Bieber? Katelyn knows Justin Bieber, but I don't know Justin Bieber. I don't think I like Justin Bieber. - The 4-year old
How did this happen? I thought you had to be a pre-teen to know about Justin Bieber. I didn't think preschoolers knew anything about him. Obviously I know nothing.
I didn't tell her that I knew who Justin was. Nor did I mention his tendency to wear purple. If the 4-year old knew about the purple I am sure she would like Justin.
5. When Nermal dives and goes to doggy heaven can we get a dog? - The 4-year old
Some how the 4-year old thinks that diving and dieing are the same thing. Basically when you die you swim off to Heaven. I don't know if scuba gear is required for the trip. I haven't really discussed the whole concept with her at length.
Nermal is our pet cat. I am not sure how the cat is going to feel about going to doggy heaven. Nermal isn't that thrilled with dogs here on earth.
Bonus: Mommy, I need a bucket and some bricks. I am going to make a Leprechaun boobie-trap! Those Leprechauns are very sneaky! - The 4-year old
I don't know what she plans on doing with the Leprechaun when she catches him. I wonder how he would feel about having bows in his hair. Poor little Leprechaun.
Now let's have a little fun. I dare you to share with me the craziest things your kids have said to you this week. Please put your answer in the comment section below. The funniest 5 responses will win a T-shirt from the NeatoShop and be featured in next weeks post.
Please write your T-shirt selection alongside your guess. If you don't include a selection, you forfeit the prize, okay?
Happy commenting!
Update(3/22/11): This contest is now over. Thank you to everyone who participated! The winners are listed in part two.
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Love Bug, Royal Blue, Large
If I'm chosen, could I please have a Neatoramanaut tshirt in xl. Thanks! :)
George's response: "I no love you, Daddy. I too busy, I go work now."
O.o and the strange part is that hubby is spending MORE time with George than he was able to before this job.
Eating clam chowder:
"My favorite part is the little clam legs"
Eating a chicken thigh/leg:
"I love the underarm"
To her Karate instructor:
"I have a white belt which means I'm first and you're last"
To me:
"I just don't like it when you don't do what I say."
she says these kinds of things *all* the time - ever since she could talk.
And here I thought I looked young for my age...
Thesaurus, Ash Gray, XL
What children learn by the time they are adults, isn't necessarily true. As Albert Einstein famously said; "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age 18."
Everything kids say is "cute". There is a video circulating of a young girl self-affirming in-front of a mirror, saying things like "I am the best", "I am better than anyone". Well, this may be cute, but consider the underlying psychology. Is it really wise for the kid to grow up believing she is the best? She may achieve success in some areas of life, but no one can rightly be called "the best", only effecient at something in particular. Be careful not to reinforce behaviors simply because they are cute. Generally speaking, it should be about raising your kids, and not revelling in the humor of it. Too often I see parents laughing and joking about what their kids do, to have the kids repeat the behavior to get another laugh. The more the parents laugh at inappropriate behavior, the more confused the kid gets, and when mom turns around and scolds the kid for the same behavior, the kid feels even more confused. Precisely because they are not highly rational and experienced persons. A part of me thinks that the humor comes from being rational, and looking down upon something less rational which is trying to be rational. Like laughing at a mentally challenged person.
Anyway, just some thoughts. I haven't considered what it would be like to be a parent with all those stresses. I've more or less assumed that parents ought to be completely selfless individuals. Though I know that is unlikely in practice.
Me: "Will you be good?"
Son: "I AM being good!"
or
Me: "Will you be nice?"
Son: "I AM being nice!"
His best was:
Me: "Will you behave?"
Son: "I AM being have!"
I'll take a "Voices in my head: Hotel California" in a Large.
Thanks!
Type Bike XL ash grey
Type Bike XL ash grey
him - mommy we need cute cats
me - but we have two cats
him - but they not cute. we need new cats. I open door
now?
I think our cats are cute, even if he doesn't. :)
t-shirt: "paddle faster - i hear banjo music" navy, 2xl
My dad used to drive to the dump to drop off waste from his home-based packaging business. He would take my big brother along with him and let him look at the recycled magazine bins. Usually my brother would pull out a few sports magazines to take home.
One day, on a trip to the dump, my brother emerged from the bins with a tear-streaked face. Devastated, he presented a scrapped Playboy to my father. Through his sniffles, he sobbed, "Daddy, why are the ladies showing their private parts?"
I've always found that story charming. In a kid's mind, those parts stay covered because it is a privilege to cover them. My brother felt pity for the women who had no clothes. It's these kinds of feelings that make kids charming to me. Plus, what an adorable story. Gets me giggly every time.
T-shirt: Soccer Mom, light blue, M
Art Linkletter would be dancing in his grave...
Sasha went out to the van, in the rain, for her Leapster. Upon entering the family room, sashaying all "fashion-y" as she says, she reports thusly: "I've got some good news, and some bad news. The good news is, I'm not dead. The bad news is, it's very sloppy goppy out there."
My darling daughter is walking around with a Kraft Single slapped on her forehead, claiming, "Look, I'm a cheesehead!" As funny as it is scary.
My dear son, 8, just told me, "Every breath you take is like a song." Mmmmmmm, makes me all warm inside!
Rudy: Do peanut butter and jelly ever argue?
Sasha: Do they ever argue about who goes first on the sandwich?
Things you wish you hadn't heard from the 5 y.o. jumping on her bed: "Rudy, I touched the ceiling!"
"Mom, we're not looking for beautiful, we're looking for focus!" says Sasha as we navigate our way through EPCOT's Kim Possible scavenger hunt!
Mmm ... Pi (xl)
Later we picked him up, mom comes to the door, says there was an incident with our son using inappropriate language. She told us he used...the F word. "We don't use that type of language in our house". We were quite shocked!
We get our potty-mouth son and leave. In the car he proudly tells us, "Mommy Daddy, I know the F word!" "Uh ok son, so what's the F word?"
"FART!! Farty fart fart farty fart fart!"
I think I may have inappropriately passed wind laughing so hard!
how true...
('College' XL black)
Priceless.
"Fuel Gauge VS Wallet, serene green, medium
(or perhaps "NeatoTurtle" in natural as alt)
Heart is A Forbidden Fruit Black L
Physics and Law Enforcement Large please
- says he hates raccoons because they’ll eat your brains
- also says it’s okay if he get run over by a car because he can just come back as a ZOMBIE
So that’s not very good. He is also afraid that Grandpa is going to kick it any second because he’s really, really old and checks my neck often to see if I’m getting a wattle because that means your getting really old and about to die
And
-----doesn’t quite get the banana joke-----
Knock knock
Whos there
Banana
Knock knock
Whos there
Banana
Knock knock
Whos there
Banana
Knock knock
Whos there
Pink ha ha ha ha
after being told to go to the potty before bed he goes to the toilet to have a pee, stands there for a few minutes and then calls for me - “mom come here I can’t get any pee out, I think my batteries are dead”
and then we had this conversation
Me: boy I smell Trin I need to go take a shower.
Trin: whew I smell too.
Me: oh yeah what do you smell like?
Trin: mmmm chicken soup.
Me: and what do I smell like?
Trin: chicken butt ha ha ha ha
tshirt = beer will change the world, chocolate XL
I said, "I love you, too!"
He came back with, "I love you. . . TEN!"
Zombie - Eat Fresh XL
1. Sammy was drinking cranberry juice for the first time. He asked what the weird taste was. I told him it was "tart." He responded, "Well, I only like Pop Tarts."
2. We were watching Wipeout and a British contestant got smashed in the groin and Sammy yells, "That British guy just got hit in his British nuts!" (I got onto him but had to laugh & write it in the book!)
3. We were watching Disney's "Beauty and the Beast." After Gaston stabbed the Beast, Sammy looks at me and says as serious as can be, "He just got shanked." (How does he even know what that means?)
4. Sammy was walking his dog after school the other day, runs into the house breathing heavy and slams the door. I asked him what was wrong and he stammers, "The Jehovah's witnesses are after me!"
5. I picked him up from school yesterday, and the first thing he says to me is, "Before I get in and sit down, I have to scratch my butt."
6. A few days ago when I picked Sammy up from school, he gets in the car and says, "I have bad news and good news. The bad news is I have 2 sheets of math homework. The good news is a T-Rex did NOT attack the school today."
7. Sammy has been practicing kung fu for 7 years. Last week he bought real metal nunchucks with his own money. He has been sleeping with them and carrying them everywhere he goes. Out of the blue he asks me, "Mom, how old do you have to be to make a will?" I know for a fact it's because he is mulling over who he is going to leave the nunchucks to if he goes anytime soon.
Zombie - Eat Flesh XL
Heart Attack - XL - Military Green
I guess it did............
Me: What happened to your eye?
Small Child: Someone punched me, to see how hard they could do it
Me (horrified): Who was it?!
Small Child (exasperated): I don't remember EVERYTHING that happens to me!
Mama geese don't poop, they only have eggs. Baby geese poop.
and she has a new version of "Old MacDonald" it goes:
Old MacFarmy had a goose and a duck-duck here & a duck duck there, everywhere, everywhere, every where!
My son, when he was 3 was getting annoyed about something I was saying to him, he said: Stop your face!
t-shirt: Don't make me send out the flying monkeys. black XL.
I was pretty angry, not only because I hadn't originally planned on spending extra money for dinner, but also because it was such a waste of food. I informed him if he did not eat more, it was coming home with us and would be his lunch the next day. He didn't believe me until the waiter came with the check, and I asked him to wrap the burger. With a horrified look on his face, my son stood up and exclaimed "This - Can - Not - Be - Happening!" And I promptly lost all composure, laughing so hard the people around us were staring at me. He continued to make me laugh, announcing at another point that "This is the worst day of my life!"
Btw, he ate it for lunch the next day and enjoyed it. Go figure.
Pink Freud, XL
It backfired one day when he started screaming "Mommy, mommy, we need to go back to the car so we can talk about that super huge fat lady!"
@Twinklejelly...i really liked yours too. i can't be bothered with remembering everyone who punches me in the eye either.
@Scott LaHott...i don't know if you were just trying to be funny, if so, you failed - based on the title of this topic alone. worse, why'd you have to go and use ugly words in a nice topic?
why do people do that? i swear like a sailor, but i avoid it around people who i don't know or who don't care for that. i never write it in posts for all to see - there are kids out there you know? you could've easily substituted the word you used with 'jerks' and still gotten your point across. although it'd still leave me wondering why you're even in here. to me, comments like that seem like a dog pooping on your lawn - leaving it's mark the only way it knows. you pooped on the comments. well done.
@ everyone else... I hope your having a good time with this topic. I am having a blast reading your comments. Your kids (or family members) are obviously wonderful.
Keep the fabulous comments coming. Don't forget to include your t-shirt choice! Some of your t-shirt choices are just as funny as the comments. We will be closing out the post over the weekend.
Tara O'Boyle
Earlier conversation with Lorcan...
L: Mummy I want to on holiday to a beach this year
Me: Maybe we could go to Spain or Italy?
L: Italy has volcanoes. Are they extinct?
Me: Some of them are dormant but some of them are still active.
L: Does Spain have volcanoes?
Me: I don't think so *
L: Lets go to Spain then
Risk aversion in a three year old ;)
*geography's not my strong point, google reveals I am wrong
Tshirt choice: Superman has Chuck Norris pyjamas, grey, small
Zombie Eat Flesh, XL.
I laughed so hard I cried. And then had to explain the difference between Mommy and The Mummy.
Make mine the "out of my mind, back in 5 minutes". :-)
"Do you lips-kiss?" I laughed and just avoided answering but she asked again "Do you lips-kiss? I'm not allowed to lips-kiss... it's ok if you do but do NOT tell my mother ok because she will be SO mad at you!"
I just love that because she would get in trouble with her mom for 'lips-kissing', then by obvious extension I would too.
T-shirt: I heart robots, ladies small. :)
We went into Bath & Body Works and Sammy HATES that store. I told Sammy to pick something for him out of the Men's section and he looks at me and says, "I am not a MAN, I am a CHILD." The best part was some other ladies heard him and were cracking up laughing!
i was 9(!) and my sister was in the hospital having a baby. when my mom called home and told me that it was a boy, i asked her, "how can they tell so fast?" 30+ years later, my family still likes to remind me of that. i can't blame them.
('College' black XL)
Greetings to you and your family and happy birthday to your little one... [yeah, yeah, I know... a few days late]... by the way, did y'all celebrate "talk like a pirate day"? AAAARRGHHH Matey... those were the days, they were... of pizza and Star Trek!! 8-)
Take care, friend!! oh yeah... started a new blog yesterday... a little different than my other one.... only one post so far.... check it out and let me know what ya think...
See ya, John!! Don't be a stranger!! 8-)