Bizarre Fortune Telling Methods

For some people, consulting a crystal ball to tell the future is just too boring! Here are 12 strange ways to tell the future, from Uncle John’s Ahh-Inspiring Bathroom Reader:

Scarpomancy: Predict someone’s future by studying their old shoes.

Tiromancy: Study the shape, holes, mold, and other features on a piece of cheese.

Scatomancy: Predict your future by studying your own poop. (Not to be confused with spatulamancy, the study of “skin, bones, and excrement.”)

Bibliomancy: Open the Bible and read the first passage you see – that’s your fortune. (In some Christian denomination, this is grounds for excommunication.)

Stichomancy: Read the first passage of any book you see.

Pynchonomancy: Throw darts at a paperback copy of Gravity’s Rainbow, by Thomas Pynchon, then read the sentence on the deepest page penetrated by the dart.

Uromancy: Predict someone’s future by studying their urine.

Dilitiriomancy: Feed African benge poison to a chicken. Ask the gods a question, being careful to end the question with, “if the chicken dies, the answer is yes,” or “if the chicken dies, the answer is no.” Then wait to see if the chicken dies.

Haruspication: Study the guts of an animal, preferably a sacred one.

Hepatoscopy: Study only the animal’s liver; ignore the rest of the guts.

Alphitomancy: Feed a special cake to an alleged wrongdoer. An innocent person will be able to eat and digest the cake, a guilty person will gag on the cake or become ill.

Alepouomancy: Draw a grid in the dirt outside of your village. Each square represents a different question. Sprinkle the grid with peanuts, wait for a fox to eat them, then study the fox’s footprint to see how the questions are answered.