Edward Bulwer-Lytton was a 19th century politician and author who was the first to begin a novel with the line "It was a dark and stormy night..." (the entire twisted sentence is here). In his honor, San Jose State University holds an annual contest challenging writers to come up with the opening line of the worst possible novel. The entire novel, luckily, does not exist. The winners of the 2023 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest have been announced. The Grand Prize winner is Maya Pasic of New York City, for this gem.
She was a beautiful woman; more specifically she was the kind of beautiful woman who had an hourlong skincare routine that made her look either ethereal or like a glazed donut, depending on how attracted to her you were.
There are also winners in many varied literary categories, from children's books to Westerns. I was particularly taken with the Fantasy & Horror opening line, by Drew Herman of Midlothian, Virginia.
In obedience to the Thousand-year Mandate of Hawksrealm, following the prophecy of Glenfrik the Morrowsayer, Klagnar and his (thus far) loyal Deathsword Warriors journeyed countless skyturns across the Burning Plains of Hellsplat and the Great Eastern Doomsea to an immense, shining folkshive that more or less resembled Fresno, but with a more genre-appropriate name.
Read the winners in all categories, plus plenty of Dishonorable Mentions, at the Bulwer-Lytton contest site. -via Fark
(Image generated with the Pulp-O-Mizer)
"Silent Swims the Cod"By Drew HermanChapter 1"I think you will find, monsieur, that your weapon is not loaded."The End