Harvard magazine has a personals section. You probably did not know that. Mallory Ortberg occasionally has access to a copy, and is quite amused at how every personal ad wants to emphasize how rich and how thin the person is …without saying it that blatantly.
One actual person wrote “ENJOYS BUSINESS-CLASS TRAVEL” as a descriptor, which I think is one of the purest things I have ever read. And the further you get into the weeds of the personals, the more frenzied the synonyms get, because everyone is concerned with making ABSOLUTELY SURE that you are picking up what they are putting down, but they are also (belatedly and barely) concerned about seeming judgmental or close-minded, so they try to speak in the world’s most breakable code.
What follows is a list of examples (that we suspect are enhanced composites) at The Toast. Yes, a year after the site ceased publication, The Toast is back, sadly, for one day only.