This Year’s Oscars Gift Bag Includes $275 Toilet Paper and a Vampire Breast Lift

(Photo: National Cancer Institute--original is NSFW)

Everyone is a winner at this year’s Academy Awards! Every person who is nominated will walk away with a “swag bag” of goodies worth over $200,000. The party favors include a 15-day walking tour of Japan, a roll of luxury toilet paper worth $275, a year’s worth of Audi car rentals, and a vampire breast lift.

What’s a vampire breast lift? That’s when doctors extract blood from you, process it in a centrifuge, then inject it into your breasts to make them look plumper.

So even if Leonardo DiCaprio doesn't get an Oscar, but he does has a vampire breast lift going for him, which is nice.

-via Sarah Hoyt