Redditors Reveal Odd Conversations They've Had With Agents at the Canadian Border

Image: CBC.CA

In a now-archived thread from last summer, Redditors weighed in on the strangest questions or comments they received from agents while crossing the Canadan border. A few are quips from American personnel, some are Canadian. Some of the funniest bits are the responses to the guards' questions and not the questions themselves. A few examples are included here; read the rest at Reddit.

Going To A Funeral
A favorite response I saw was from a man who was going to Canada for a funeral. They had a floral arrangement in the car and were dressed in dark clothing. When they told the border guard they were going to a funeral, the guy said, 'for what purpose?

Scruff Talk

Going into Canada: How long have you had that beard? I gave him a sarcastic reply about my fiancee (who was next to me) hating it and that spiraled into a couple minute conversation consisting mostly about how his wife makes him shave everyday.

Got Gas?
About 25 years ago I get pulled off for a random check. The agent roots through the items in my trunk and pulls out a gas can that had a few drops in it. Enough to tell that there was a small bit of liquid in there.
Agent opens the can and takes a huge whiff. Looking slightly light-headed, the guy says, "Is this gas in here?"

The smart-ass in me alllllmost said something, but I caught myself.

Un-American

Friend went drinking in Windsor and his sister was passed out drunk in the back seat. Needless to say, she couldn't answer the "Citizenship?" question, so they had to go inside.
They're finally able to wake her and drag her inside into a very bright room and she's not happy at all.
'What's your name?'asks the guard. She says her name and the guard says, "That doesn't sound American!"
Well, she was a mean drunk and replied, "What the f*** do you mean that doesn't sound American?!" as my friend winced.
"Oh, you can go," said the border guard, figuring only a real American would cuss out a border agent.

Bear sighting:
After I had gotten a bear in northern Quebec and was coming back across into detroit, my dad explained that we had a bear in the back. the boarder guard... "is it alive?"

Via Mandatory

We cross into Canada a lot. MrsO is a former Canadian and we visit her family at least once a year now. One time crossing into Ontario, the border agent asked where we were going,etc. I said we would be in Spencerville (a small hamlet in SE Ontario) for about 3 days. He joked, "that would probably be enough." We laughed.

Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)

I love the "What the f*** do you mean that doesn't sound American?!" story. My wife took our two daughters to Juarez, Mexico from El Paso, TX. She is white, while I am Asian, and so on return, the border guard questioned whether she was their actual mother.
"What the hell do you mean, I'm not their mother! I have the stretch marks to prove it! I went through 24 hours of labor without effective pain control for this one (pointing to our eldest)!"
The border guard let them through. He either decided that he wasn't paid enough to deal with her, or entitled outrage is a shibboleth to prove that you're an American.

Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)

Login to comment.

Click here to access all of this post's 2 comments