Look at this kitchen. The stove is wrecked. The oven is wrecked. The stove hood is wrecked. Now look up- the lid is embedded in the ceiling! And there are bits of food all over, which they’ll probably be finding for years to come. This is what happens when all the safety features of a pressure cooker fail at once. Redditor MaggleCole posted this as evidence.
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It occurs to me that if I can drop the pressure I can remove enough water without reaching such high temperatures. Trouble is, vacuum pumps of sufficient throughput aren't cheap.