It's a New Year, So It's Time to Join a Gym

(Twisted Doodles)

We've had Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's Eve in rapid succession. You've been partaking of the fruits of your labor and enjoying the festivities with loved ones--at least until January 1. Then you immedately become a disgusting pig who should get some of that blubber off.

(Fowl Language Comics/Brian Gordon)

You want to join a gym? Good idea! Go ahead and visit a commercial gym. Pay your membership fee. Workout once. Then repeat this process next January.


The trick about a gym is that in order to be profitable, it needs about 10 times as many members as their facilities can actually handle. But if that many people actually _use_ the facilities, the gym would be so crowded that no one would want to join.

The winning marketing strategy, according to Recreation Management Magazine, a health club–industry trade rag, focuses strictly on luring in the "out-of-shape public," meaning all of those people whose doctors have told them, "About 20 minutes three times a week," who won't come often if ever, and who definitely won't join unless everything looks easy, available, and safe. The entire gym, from soup to nuts, has been designed around getting suckers to sign up, and then getting them mildly, vaguely exercised every once in a long while, and then getting them out the door.
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The best shape I was ever in as an adult was when my ex-husband signed up for a gym membership to play racquetball, then quit going when he got hit in the eye. We couldn't get out of the two-year contract, so I started going myself. I swam and lifted weights, then joined a step aerobics class three times a week. I don't like wasting money.
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