Jokes Only Smart People Can Understand

A post on reddit recently asked people to tell their favorite intellectual joke. The response was huge, and you should read the whole thing when you have time. Business Insider selected the best fifteen jokes to republish. They are:

A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage.
The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."

Pretentious? Moi?

A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. The wife says, "Is it a boy or a girl?"
The logician says, "Yes."

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized."

Two women walk into a bar and talk about the Bechdel test.

Heard about that new band called 1023 MB? They haven't had any gigs yet.

Heisenberg was speeding down the highway. A cop pulls him over and says "Do you have any idea how fast you were going back there?"
Heisenberg says, "No, but I knew where I was."

C, Eb, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors."

First Law of Thermodynamics: You can't win.
Second Law of Thermodynamics: You can't break even.
Third Law of Thermodynamics: You can't stop playing.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative."
But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A fish.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Philip Glass.

What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do at night?
He stays up wondering if there really is a dog.

If there are any here that you don't fully understand, Business Insider explains each joke, and also tells why they selected it. Link