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NeatoShop Contest: Predict Life in the Year 2013

It is time, dear readers, to look into the future. Gaze into your crystal balls. Summon your paranomal mental powers to look beyond the thin veil between today and tomorrow.

Behold! This is what I see for the year 2013:

  • In order to outdo herself, Lady Gaga will appear at the Grammys wearing a dress made out of live feral cats.
  • A cheap, easy method of 3D printing cheesecake will appear on the market, leading to a 50% increase in obesity in the United States.
  • Smell-o-vision will be a prolific smartphone app. When someone calls or texts you, rather than hearing an assigned ringtone, you'll smell a particular odor.

What do you see, Neatoramanauts?

This is a contest. Make a prediction about life, society, culture or technology in the year 2013. Leave one prediction per comment, though you may make as many predictions as you like in separate comments.

Take a look around the NeatoShop and select one item there priced under $20. Note your selection with your prediction. Remember to leave your prize selection with your prediction or you forfeit the prize.

The funniest three predictions win. I will announce the winners on Monday. Now go forth, o seers!


In 2013, 3-d printers which can print 3-d printers will quickly be adopted and improved, gain intelligence and take over the world.
tiger mouse please
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Facebook really will begin charging fees for their service unless you copy and post a special message on to your profile which will make your icon turn blue. For the first time ever, everyone including aunt Martha believes that this is a hoax, so no one posts the message. Subsequently everyone's account is deleted for nonpayment and Facebook goes bankrupt six months later.

Halo Teabagging T-Shirt - Medium - Military Green
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A true cure for male-pattern baldness is invented and men all over the world rejoice in their newly regained heads of long flowing hair. Consequently, a new uprising of hippies and glam rock stars emerge and the economy plummets even further.

DC Comics Superhero 4-Piece Collector Glass Set
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After 24 seasons, "The Simpsons" show is cancelled. Ten years later, E! network airs a "Where are they now?" tv special. Apparently, the family has been reenacting past events from their lives through a strange method they call "reruns".

DC Comics Superhero 4-Piece Collector Glass Set
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McDonald's announces that the limited-time McRib will now be a regular item on their menu. Customers soon realize that their beloved novelty sandwich is actually kinda gross and the company loses billions.

DC Comics Superhero 4-Piece Collector Glass Set
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Edible soap will be invented. A fatty, emulsified, mildly germ killing bar of buttery richness that can cleanse the hands of people in food-challenged conditions and at the same time feed them. A lifesaver! There's creamy dessert whip, nut butter, or cheddar cheese variety.

I would like a monster family window decal.
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Netflix adds to their streaming selection a movie made in the 21st century; coincidentally, it is also a film that people have actually heard of.

keroppi coin bag
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Aliens land in China. Fancy their dictatorial ways. Enslave humans, drink their beer, steal their women and boys, etc. etc. Standard alien raping and pillaging stuff. Then they declare Neatorama to be the only official source of news and information for the planet.

~ "Don't make me send out the flying monkeys" T-shirt, XXL, XXmonkeys.
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In an attempt to increase his popularity, Kenny G decides takes some ques from Lindsey Sterling. He produces a jazzy dubstep remix of music from the Twilight series, and in the music video he cosplays as Edward. The results are not pretty, but surprisingly successful when several memes are develop.

Credit Card Survival Tool
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Apple accidentally patents the art of patent-trolling, creating a whirlwind of patent-trolls suing patent trolls. This rapidly builds into a worldwide litigation hurricane which eventually destroys every legal practice on the planet except for a little bespectacled lawyer named Edwin who specializes only in litigation involving embroidery. Gadget prices plummet, geeks celebrate and the world economy makes a remarkable recovery

Micro-Max 19-in-1
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In 2013, a new style of music will come out, based on the sounds automobiles make when their engines shift up and down. Parents will use it to lull their children to sleep and old people will like it because it will remind them of the days of manual transmissions and great old music like that of the Troggs and Deep Purple.

keroppi coin bag
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Todd Akin's cries of rape fall on deaf ears. A short time later the medical community and the world reel in shock after recording the first biological human male to successfully conceive and birth a healthy 6lb 4oz beautiful baby girl.

The Lost Girl - Penguin Books Water Bottle
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2013, it will be the year of years for generations to come. To start off the year Redbull will drop the new years eve ball in Times Square... from space. Then around Easter someone will capture the real Easter bunny on video, it will later prove to be just the tooth fairy. By summer time we will have discovered orgasmic foods to replace organic foods and eating healthy will have become fun and a little awkward at the company luncheons. After the majority of people on the planet lost most of their brain functions due to brain hemorrhages in the orgasmic food craze they have turned into zorgasmbies, hell bent on eating the brains of those that are not eating healthy. Humankind will almost pushed to extinction due to the lack of non-orgasmic produce, it is a cold cold winter... anyone who remains stay hidden in their homes, armed with cricket bats, as they dream of ways 2014 will be better than 2013.

Micro-Max-19-in-1
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Cats finally develop opposable thumbs. They use their new-found hands to open tuna cans, causing a worldwide shortage. They still refuse to scoop their own litter boxes, though.

Genius - Magnetic Poetry
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In 2013, the invention of the condiment keychain will be made. people who don't have the time to wear condiment watches can now have portable salt and pepper condiment keychains. life is much easier to have these little keychains than to carry your own salt and pepper shaker, thats just crazy. for a limited time only condiment necklaces will be made for those who don't own keychains. Why not have a flashy necklace to carry your favorite salt and pepper? it will even include a magnetic clasp for easy removal and fast pouring. if that isn't enough you can protect yourself from strangers by throwing a little pepper their way. who wouldn't want that? these nifty necklaces and keychains will solve the simple problem of never having any salt or pepper around when you need it.

fox-mini squishable
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In the future nothing exciting will happen except the invention of touch screen tv-sized phones and the Reinvention of exercise for all the digitized kids who have never heard of sunlight.

dragon minisquishable
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during a live performance Justin Bieber's face melts off revealing he is a cyborg mercenary from the future bent on mankind's destruction - he is then captured by a million little monsters who knew it all along.

Natural Curiosities Dinner plate - octopus
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America goes over the fiscal cliff and the dollar plummets - comic books and baseball cards sky-rocket in value - i get to tell my mother she was wrong about my investments.

Natural Curiosities Dinner plate - fly
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'2013' - Hidden inside the Recording Department of the secretive Ministry of Truth, Winston Smith skilfully rewrites the past to suit the needs of the Party.
Yet he inwardly rebels against the totalitarian world he lives in, which demands absolute obedience and controls him thru the all-seeing telescreen and the watchful eye of Big Brother, the symbolic head of the party.
In his longing for truth and liberty, Smith realises he is in a time warp, connecting him between 1949, 1984 and 2013, discovering that some truths persist as they are too hard to swallow, yet soon discovers the true price of freedom is wikileaks.

unashamedly George Orwell with a dash of post-modern-pre-irony-fake-nouveau-arent-we-all-suppressed-macbook-hippocrypotymus

'DC Comics Superhero 4-Piece Collector set' :O)
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A zombie apocalypse finally ensues. But instead of overtaking the human race, they are trained to perform the choreography from Michael Jackson's Thriller. They then compete and win the next season of America's Best Dance Crew. Lil Mama praises the zombies by saying, "Yo guys. Tonight, you BROUGHT it."

DC Comics Superhero 4-Piece Collector Glass Set
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