Are we becoming more rude? Lisa Gache, co-founder of Beverly Hills Manners in Los Angeles, thinks so. She noticed that courteous language is slowly going away, and blames society's modern, casual style:
"The slow erosion of the 'magic words' in our everyday vernacular," says Gache, who coaches people to be more civil, "has to do with the predilection toward all things casual in our society today. Casual conversation, casual dress and casual behavior have hijacked practically all areas of life, and I do not think it is doing anyone a service."
Other polite phrases also seem to be falling by the wayside. "You're welcome," for instance. Say "thank you" to someone these days, and instead of hearing "you're welcome," you're more liable to hear: "Sure." "No problem." "You bet." "Enjoy." Or a long list of replies that replace the traditional "you're welcome."
Instead of saying "thank you," people say "got it." Or "have a good one." Or, more often, nothing at all. And in lieu of saying "no, thank you," reactions such as "I'm good" are increasingly common.
"The responses 'have a good one,' 'I'm good' or 'you bet,' do not carry the same sentiment or convey the same conviction as when we are sincerely expressing our gratitude or thanks," Gache says. "They feel less invested, almost as if they are painful to utter under our breath."
So, the question is: can you still have good manners without saying "please," "thank you" and "you're welcome"? I'd appreciate it if you could answer the question, please. Thank you!
"No problem" is just weird, but since the intent is politeness, I'll take it as it is meant.
As a child I was always taught to say please & thank you and even when I went through my rebellious stage as a teen, it was so ingrained that they slipped into pretty much every request. I think I was the most polite yobbo my little town had ever seen.
P.S. I will use "no worries" when someone apologizes to me, for example, if they bump into me and I am unhurt. I did once call a man a lummox when he stepped on the heel of my orthodic slipper I was wearing after bunion surgery.
- It didn't cause me any difficulty, I was happy to help.
- No need to thank me, as it didn't put me out of my way.
- You are welcome.
I fail to see how this is rude.
Regarding the store clerk not saying 'Thank you': It's okay to be the one thanking them. They helped you with your groceries and their store allowed you a convenient place to get them. I'm very thankful that I have such a large selection, decent prices, and friendly people at my grocery store. I wish everyone had that. Thus, I will continue to thank my store clerk, and never have expectations that they have to do the same.
Also the automatic replys you get are funny when someone asks "Whats up" and you/i reply 'Good thanks'.
They say that communication is only 10%(?) verbal and the rest is non-verbal. You can say the words and not mean them or you can not say them but the feeling is there.
On the flip side, my in-laws think I speak too formally. I never expected that.
However I don't do that if I have more than a few items at the supermarket, and I don't have any good reason for that. Perhaps it's because with a big basket of shopping other things are usually said, such as 'would you like any help your packing?' Maybe the 'just that, please' is my way of filling an awkward silence.
Saying 'you're welcome' is not at all commonplace in Britain - on the rare occasion that people have responded to my 'thank you' with 'you're welcome' it seemed out of place, and I certainly never expect to hear it. 'No problem' or 'that's okay' are far more common, and they don't sound casual to my ear, just polite.
Although our countries do have significant differences, one thing remains constant: 'please' and 'thank you' are never optional. I don't think you can over-use either of them.
PS I'm, pretty sure that responding to 'you're welcome' with 'I know I am' isn't the right thing to say!
also i never expect, or feel entitled to receive a "thank you" from anybody for anything. i think it defeats the purpose of doing something nice, and is always a nice little thing when someone does thank you. weird, eh? kind of like, if i give a present, i absoutely don't expect nor want anything in return.
kindness feels so good...
I always say "no problem" or "no worries" or "my pleasure" instead of "you're welcome". "You're welcome" seems to have a hint of "yes, I did you a favour but that's okay". The more modern substitutes more fully indicate that the person did not need to be grateful. And since the point of manners is to make others feel good, why not?
She describes a typically routine encounter: "At the grocery store cafe down the street, I go get a coffee every morning," Lacey says. "This morning I walked in and they said, 'Good morning, will you have the usual?' I smiled and said, 'Yes, please.' They asked me how my morning had been while making my coffee. On the way out the door they said, 'Enjoy. See you tomorrow.' "
She doesn't expect people to utter the same old same olds.
I don't find it rude, exactly, I just don't understand it. Are they agreeing with me? As in, "Yep, you DO thank me, as you should." Or something else? It's just confusing.
In reply to the orginal post.
Society changes, this really sounds like an old person complaining about "Kids these days."
Casual =/= rude.
it just equals different.
I'm now a teacher, and I encourage "please" and "thank you".
Sure it's more polite for people to refer to me as "Miss Harness," but it's certainly a lot more comfortable to hear "Jill."
And what's wrong with hearing "have a good one" or "you bet"? Maybe it's a local/cultural thing? Maybe we're just looking for alternate ways to say please and thank you as to not sound redundant, or even old-fashioned.
I'm just glad at all that we still smile and generally won't let kind gestures go unacknowledged.
I ALWAYS say please and thank you, but I'm definitely guilty of the "no problem" or the "don't mention it"
I might be in a grocery store, and an employee is bagging my groceries at the register.
"Thank you!" I say.
"No problem." is the reply.
Er... since you're here to bag my groceries, I sort of took it as a given that it was "no problem."