All children need toys, but not all toys are created alike. While most bad toys are simply a bit boring, these eleven are the absolute worst of the worst. In fact, you’ll notice a lot of these are so ridiculous that they have actually taken on a cult collector’s item status and now cost quite a pretty penny.
1. Toy Tazer
There are toy guns, toy bow and arrow sets, toy swords and more, but somehow a toy tazer still seems to take things a touch too far –particularly considering the “Police Electric Baton Shock” actually gives out real shocks. On the upside, it’s only $3.50, so it’s much cheaper than most kid’s toys.
2. The Kaba Kick
Russian Roulette is a ton of fun, but it’s unfortunately completely permanent. If you want to practice the game without those deadly consequences, then you’d better go ahead and start out with the Kaba Kick and the more gentle pink hippo kicks that replace bullets.
3. Cleaning Trolley
It’s totally normal for kids to pretend to do grown up jobs, after all, some kids play house, some play doctor, some play superhero and some play with chemistry sets, but who wants to be a janitor? Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like a better idea to push your kids towards an intellectual pursuit than a job in the cleaning industry.
4. Playmobile Security Checkpoint
This just might be one of the most popular terrible toys of all time. In fact, it has become sort of a strange collector’s item, accounting for the fact that it costs an incredible $175 on Amazon right now. That’s a pretty big rip off considering how inaccurate the toy is, I mean you can’t even take off the passenger’s shoes before they go through the checkpoint.
5. Peeing Dog
Maybe it’s just me, but part of the point of giving your kids a dog toy is to skirt the responsibility issues that come with giving your kids a real dog. Unfortunately, giving your little ones a dog toy that still pees in the house seems to negate that benefit. But hey, at least he looks cute.
6. Gelli Baff
I have to admit, I’m torn on this one. On the one hand, the gel turns the water into a nasty and disgusting goop and who wants their kids to bathe in something like that? On the other hand, anything that makes your kids want to take a bath is a good thing, right?
7. Pregnant Midge
Originally there was just Barbie, but then she met Ken and started making friends. Eventually Midge hit the scene, but once she got pregnant with Nicky, she just didn’t quite fit in with the partying Barbie crowd. These days, she’s mostly seen at home watching her three children and hoping some giant monster doesn’t come by to rip open her stomach to extract her newest baby.
8. Breast Feeding Doll
There’s nothing wrong with a little girl wanting to play mommy to her dolls, but when she starts breast feeding the toy, that’s when it becomes a problem. If you’re one of those handful of weirdos that thinks a little girl should know how to properly breastfeed an infant though, then this Bebe Gloton doll is just what you need to help make sure your little angel is 100% ready to have a little angel of her own.
9. The Punisher Shape Shifter
While in the box, this toy looks innocent enough, but this toy design just might be one of the most absurd I’ve ever seen. How could this toy actually get through design, research and marketing without anyone realizing just how ridiculous it is to have a giant “power pistol” coming from The Punisher’s groin or butt that shoots when you pull back on the sleeve. Video link
10. Buzz Lightyear Sippy Cup
There’s nothing outright wrong with the idea of creating a Buzz Lightyear sippy cup…that is, until you put the straw right where his groin should be. To be fair, if you rotate the lid around it’s not so dirty, but the fact that you can even set it up to look like this is still pretty moronic.
11. Harry Potter Vibrating Broom
Again, this toy doesn’t seem like a bad idea until you give a young girl something to stick between her legs –and then make that thing vibrate. It wasn’t long before sex shops and parents alike took notice and Amazon quickly pulled the item from their inventory. But before that happened, the site had some great reviews like “When my 12 year old daughter asked for this for her birthday, I kind of wondered if she was too old for it, but she seems to LOVE it. Her friends love it too! They play for hours in her bedroom with this great toy. They really seem to like the special effects it offers (the sound effects and vibrating). My oldest daughter (17) really likes it too! I recommend this for all children." What are your favorite terrible kid’s toys? Please share in the comments.
So good, so funny! Thanks for the laugh!
to answer your question: my son was tremendously interested in the janitor's cart, and in all service delivery jobs. In fact, most kids I knew were interested in cash registers, janitor's trolleys, automatic car-wash processes, assembly lines, etc. Doesn't mean that's their dream job...they were intrigued by something. To say they shouldn't be reveals as much about the reviewer as it does about the children or the toy.
That being said, it's an incredibly thankless job with little pay and hardly any benefits. I feel we should encourage children to aim higher. When I was a kid, I was torn between being a writer, a chemist or a vet.
As for the breast feeding doll, nothing is going to convince me that that's a good idea. Krista, it's absolutely adorable that your little girl would mock-breast feed and Kristen, I completely support breast feeding in public and it makes me sick when I hear about women who are harassed because they were doing something completely natural.
BUT, little girls don't have breasts and they don't need a toy to let them pretend to have them and then have a doll suck on these pretend breasts. If you encourage this, are you going to be surprised if you walk in on a group of little girls playing house with one of them sucking on the other's nipple?
Weather or not you want kids to do well in life, what you pretty much said was "children playing with janitor toys is shameful, being a janitor is shameful, i'm better than other people and I don't remember enjoying being a child".
If this is on here then why not easy bake ovens or other cooking toys aimed at girls with that old time domestic feeling?
Also, as a former janitor, screw you ma'am. I started off as the janitor of a night club and ended up as general manager. It was the best 3 years of my life and I was paid very well.
Sometimes you have to start at the bottom. But that doesn't mean you should feel stigmatized by your profession, especially if it is an honest job.
If anything I'm glad this toy exists so that maybe the next generation of people doesn't look down on the guy that cleans up their messes, unlike you.
Working at home is nice, but I make less money than the majority of janitors. Believe it or not, bloggers aren't rich and we don't live lives of luxury. I know it's crazy to imagine, but that's the truth.
I don't feel that I'm better than janitors at all, but I still think kids should aspire to bigger things. I respect the hell out of blue collar workers and I know how important they are to our society. That being said, practically anyone can go into one of these jobs and make a living. Not everyone can be a doctor, lawyer or scientist. If kids aspire to be these things, they could be one of these or they could be a blue collar worker. If they aspire to be blue collar and don't ever try to do more than that, then they'll have sacrificed their chance to do more intellectual careers.
Most of my friends and family members work blue collar jobs. Most of these people wish they could do more with their lives, but think it's too late. If they could choose what profession their children go into, I doubt many of them would choose their own line of work.
That's great that you started out as a janitor and became a manager, but then you of all people should realize there isn't much growth in that type of industry and most people will stay at the same level their whole lives.
You could argue that me having a proton pack when I was a kid as detrimental to my development. I mean really, what was my mom thinking letting me believe that I could be a Ghostbuster? What a waste of my childhood.
Because of course, as we all know we become what we pretended to be as children. And it's okay to pretend to be something, anything pretty much even fictional things as long as you're not holding a broom and a spray bottle?
So you respect blue collar jobs and you are friends with blue collar and you're even related to blue collar workers but you think they could all do a little better?
Look, it was a great list and I'm sure you didn't mean for it to come across the way it did. But if you really did respect the blue collar community you wouldn't have put a toy janitors cart on "The Eleven Most TERRIBLE Kid's Toys EVER." Regardless of your aspirations for future generations or respect for the salt of the earth.
It comes across as "you're job is so terrible children should be discouraged from mimicking it." They're janitors not pimps, drug dealers or hookers.
Very nice of you to include these people that you went out of your way for and have so much respect for on this list. Just as long as you don't say it to their face.
Mimicry of adults is a natural part of childhood. They will pretend to do jobs that they see others do. They explore gender roles such as boys pretending to be like Mommy and girls pretending to be like Daddy. They pretend to run a business and do the jobs inside those businesses such as a restaurant, airport, hotel, laundromat, grocery store, hospital, and even funeral homes.
This mimicry isn't anything to be upset or even deter them from engaging in. They are just trying to explore the world around them through safe play. They learn to be empathetic, compassionate, nurturing along with learning skills such as mathematics, reading, writing, and critical thinking.
It is astounding and sad that people would be disgusted by toys that have been around in one form or another since before written history. Pregnancy is natural and by discouraging children from having pregnant dolls we teach them that there is something wrong with pregnant women. That pregnant women are disgusting, shameful, or weird. By reviling a breastfeeding doll we teach them that breastfeeding is disgusting, shameful, or weird. That pets are gross, that janitors are beneath them, that certain textures are icky and unclean.
While I agree the price on some of these toys are outlandish, we shouldn't be so quick to label the natural developmentally important child's play as weird, shameful, disgusting, or sexual. Sex is a very complex concept that children don't understand, much less have sexual feelings. Children understand that women get pregnant and often the babies grow inside their mothers. Babies can be fed by breasts. People will use clean and some people have jobs cleaning places.
A janitor cart is wicked cool for a kid, way better than a more "intellectual" Apple store.
Just because your child may play with one, doesn't mean you're not letting them aspire to something bigger. If they take the head off their Barbie, are they going to turn into a serial killer?
For someone encouraging intellectualism and sneering at the blue collar, you're not using a very intelligent line of reasoning yourself. Except now you come off as putting down your own family, because they're not sucessful.
Remember the restaurant toys, where you can pretend to serve fast food? I suppose those aren't as encouraging as pretend laboratories and pretend doctoral theses.
Also, we had a girl sick at work yesterday. She threw up in the garbage can in the first aid room. Guess who had to clean that up? None of us "intellectuals".
You guys should consider learning how to apologize. You might fewer pissed-off, disgusted people (like me) tired of being told we're offended over nothing and finding new websites to visit.
wow. so you want credit for acting like a person should?
i have to agree with the majority of the other comments- most of the things written in this list came across as snotty and condescending. they might not have been meant that way, but that doesn't make them sound any less ignorant.
once i was in the toy section of a store, and saw a little boy begging his mom for a toy vacuum cleaner. "no, those are only for girls" she said. the janitors cart/breastfeeding doll comments smacked of that same kind of thinking.
Your comment about a group of girls sucking on each others nipples because of a doll is one of the most ignorant things I have ever read...really? Because of a doll? I would hope that as a parent you would also explain the responsibility that comes with this...or maybe that's part of the "talk" you don't want to have.
Because you are uncomfortable with something doesn't mean you should project that on to your children. I just can't believe how stupified I am with your posts about this.
I guess you also believe that giving a toy gun to a child means you shouldn't be surprised if you walk into a room and one of them is on the floor dead. Oh wait there was a toy gun in this line up, but you were ok with that but not something that should come natural to any species...hipocrit?