Oh no! The family will be here anytime and you forgot to cook the turkey! What to do? I don't think the Butterball hotline has the solution you're looking for. What heats up faster than a microwave? Thermite! No, we don't advocate trying this, but you can watch the magic of thermite cook a turkey in under thirty seconds in this video. And yes, they eat it. Link
Just don't eat the skin, I guess.
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