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Name That Weird Invention!





Steven M. Johnson comes up with all sorts of wacky inventions in his weekly Museum of Possibilities posts, but something's missing from his strange gadgets: names. Can you come up with a name for this one? The commenter suggesting the funniest and wittiest name win a free T-shirt from the NeatoShop.

Contest rules: one entry per comment, though you can enter as many as you'd like. Please make a selection of the T-shirt you want (may we suggest the Science T-shirt, Funny T-shirt, and Artist-designed T-shirt categories?) alongside your entry. If you don't select a shirt, then you forfeit the prize. Good luck!

Update: Congratulations to winner NathanBBlu, who named the invention "Stalaglites," and explained why. And also to winner lolamouse, who came up with "Light in the Loafers" (used to tell interested observers which way you go). Both win t-shirts from the NeatoShop!

I'm pretty sure those are "Stalaglites."

When spelunkers are in the dark recesses of unfamiliar caves, it helps to not have to carry a flashlight. A headlamp really works best for low ceilings and *stalagtites,* while short stalagmites can go dangerously unnoticed. A pair of stalaglites is the perfect accessory for this daredevil hobby.

I'd like the Bauhaus Birds shirt, in medium and black or chocolate.
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brogueyotes(bro-gi-yo-tees):
For the fashion-forward human trafficker. Low-healed with hand stitched heavy leather, this technically advanced footwear catapults the everyday Mexican Coyote from novice to professional. These wingtips come pre-assembled with footlamps to light up the trails and signal flashers to denote which direct your cargo needs to run and hide. Batteries not included.
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These are obviously Traffik Treads!

They come equipped with a blinker system to warn other traffic of your direction.

Also, these handy treads come with lights (similar to headlights on an automobile) that allow you to see in darker areas and at times where holding a flashlight is not possible.

To turn on the features of Traffik Treads, simply use the remote provided.

Luckily, Traffik Treads are powered through your walking motion by the steps you take, so no batteries are needed!

(neatorama lolcat shirt size xL)
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The "Cricket Collectors": These loafers are designed for the thrifty reptile owners tired of the costly expense of crickets. These stylish shoes feature an ultra bright cricket attracting lamp in the front and powerful, whisper quite vacuum collector ports on the sides. Simply walk through any grassy area at night wearing these fancy shoes and you'll be amazed how quickly you fill the built in storage containers. When full, simply open the heel and dispence the safely stored insects for later feeding to the reptile of your choosing. Makes a great gift, and available in wide sizes.

I would like the carbon footprint in 2xl please.
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Illumin Loafers - for bowling in the dark. Aim the toe light to the arrows on the boards for the direction you want the ball to go. The blinkers start to flash when backing up doing the "please, please, please strike" shuffle.
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Derbie D'Lites - Directional w/signals for when the left foot doesn't know what the right foot is doing. Toe light to hopefully point you in the right direction.

ORLY Ladies L Chocolate
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Was "footlights" too obvious?

The perfect celebrity to pitch these for you would be Gordon Lightfoot.

I know it's a weak one, but should I win, I would take the Thesaurus shirt - M.
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