Championships Executive President Tony Callaghan, owner of Harry's Bar, said: "Gravy has traditionally been the performance-enhancing drug of choice amongst pie eaters at this level, but since we banned it after a series of questionable concoctions were created by contenders, they've been trying to find other ways of generating lubricative advantage - and we're hearing rumours that cough mixture is the new Bisto.
"In tests we've found this can take around two seconds off the time taken to eat a regulation Championship pie.
"We'll be putting a couple of big blokes on the door to search pockets randomly for cough mixture."
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