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Caption Monkey 60: Mmm, Dude ... What ARE You Doing?


Photo: Vasily Fedosenko/Reuters

Every month, National Geographic publishes a very neat photo gallery called Vision of Earth. This particular one, from the June 2009 selection (third pic, you can see the uncensored version there - warning: clear shot of the behind of a naked, 69-year-old man):

Belarus—Naked on an 18°F day, Valentsin Tolkachev clears an icy canal for swimming. The 69-year-old started the Optimalists—a Minsk-based club with 200-some members—in 1989 to promote hale activities in rural settings.

Your task, after you wash your eyes, is to caption the photo. Funniest one will win a custom black and white Monkey drawing by Adam Koford. Place your caption in the comment section of this post - one caption per comment, please, though you can enter as many funny ones as you can think of. Good luck!

Update 6/19/09 - Adam has picked the winner! Congratulations to jj who won with this caption: The season’s first snow always reminds me of my childhood, of crazy Uncle Hank teaching me to swim like a man.

"Go get a Christmas tree," she said. "The river is certainly froze over," she said. How was I to know that she'd be wrong and I should've worn my waders?
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Not a caption entry, just like to say how sad it is that you feel the need to tell people to "wash your eyes" after looking at the image. Is the older body so distasteful? I am actually impressed with him and the strength in his body. What on earth would you say about the average 69 year old's body?
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Agree with #11. There's nothing gross or unsightly about this pic at all. Yeah' it's a curiosity, for sure, but that dude is fit as hell and looks like he could kick just about any 30 year old's ass. Let's lay off the old folk bashing, huh? I hope I'm half that fit and able at his age.
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How do you molest a polar bear?
Get naked, cut a hole in the ice and then pour a can of peas in the hole.
When the polar bear leans over to take a pea kick him in the ice hole!
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Ice. Axes. Gratuitous nudity. Mind bleach.
So disturbing you want to turn away, yet at the same time so confounding that you can't.
(Heh. I doubt anyone can top CreamTrumpet's "Ice Hole" remark.)

"Long distance phone call to your in-laws about going to their place for Christmas: $40. Buying tickets to your in-laws in Minsk: $600. Buying a shovel to bury your in-law's clothes in the snow: $12. Replacing said shovel with an axe and watching them try to hack their clothes out: Priceless."

"I'm telling you, I'm going after that fish that stole my underwear!"

"And here is how the caveman hunted in Ice-Age 3..."

"The Soviet Russian version of the 'Axe-effect'."
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A little known facts. At the beginning of the polar bear plunge, One man is chosen at random to break open the ice so that everybody else can swim in the river in winter. If he can do this while naked and not die. He wins a six pack of beer from the bar.
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Drew from toothpastefordinner.com has another webcomic, where he captions photos like this, and it just so happens that he used this photo back in March.
http://www.superpoop.com/032409/ron-paul-on-ice.jpg

His caption: "On Thursday, US Representative Ron Paul (R-TX) spent three hours in the nude, breaking the ice in a frozen lake with an axe. When asked about the brutal ice attack, Rep. Paul's spokesman replied, "DON'T TREAD ON ME!" and hung up."
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"Just park right next to the sauna on the ice," they said. "It's perfectly safe," they said. "Leave your clothes in the car," they said. "When I find my car, I'm going to show them just how safe this ax is."
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2 fifths of vodka, 700 rubles

Axe,500 rubles.

Attempting to find a tree to chop down while standing naked in a frozen pond after consuming the vodka? priceless.
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